Page 217

Theon moved to stand in front of her, twirling a lock of her wet hair between his fingers. “How are you feeling?”

Her brow pinched. “Fine?”

“You had an eventful day, Tessa.”

Her head tipped to the side. “I’ve become rather used to people trying to kill me.”

Luka felt Theon’s wince down the bond. Or maybe that was his own grimace at her words.

Then she asked, “How long have you two known about Luka’s involvement with the bond?”

Theon’s hand fell to his side. “Luka said he started feeling it the moment the second Mark was completed. I didn’t learn about that…complication until later.”

“Later when?”

“When you were in Faven.”

Tessa nodded once, her eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at them. Luka knew she was blocking the bond. Auryon had spoken about the basics of mental shielding, but Tessa had clearly practiced it. She’d quickly become proficient at it, and while it annoyed Theon, Luka let her have that secret. He wasn’t entirely sure why.

And while it would be nice in moments like these to know exactly what she was feeling, he’d learned to read her over these past months. He knew she was upset at being left in the dark with important information yet again, and he was to blame for that. He could have told her at any time, even if he was doing it because she was already overwhelmed. Was it his place to make that decision for her? Did it make him any different from Theon in the end? Probably not. Did he regret the choice? Also no. In the end, maybe he was more like Theon than he thought.

That was what he found himself thinking about later that night when the three of them were crammed onto the bed in his room. Theon had tried to convince Tessa to sleep upstairs tonight; she had refused. Begrudgingly, Theon had crawled onto the mattress beside her. He hadn’t spoken to Luka much the rest of the night, but as Tessa’s soft breaths became ones of deep slumber, his voice drifted over.

“We can’t be on opposite sides right now, Luka.”

Tessa shifted, and his entire body erupted in tingles, his teeth clenching together as she draped a leg over his.

“We’re not, Theon,” he replied after a moment.

He didn’t need the doubt filtering down the bond from Theon to know how he was feeling. His nonresponse told him enough. But in the end, hewasjust like Theon. The only way he knew how to show he cared about someone was to protect them. Keep them safe. It was why he agreed to become Theon’s Guardian in the first place.

They did what needed to be done to keep their own safe, and they showed no remorse. They didn’t get the luxury of guilt, but Luka had a feeling when this was all over, they were all going to be left with just that: guilt and regrets.

37

TESSA

For the first time since her return from Faven, she woke before the two of them were out of bed. Judging from the lack of light outside, it was just before dawn. She was curled into Theon as usual, his arm looped around her and his other hand threaded with hers. Luka was curled intoher,though. She could feel the weight of his arm just below Theon’s, his warm palm splayed over her belly. A thigh was wedged between hers, the coarse hairs on his leg rough against her smooth skin.

If she didn’t know any better, she’d feel safe. Protected. Maybe even loved.

But she did know better.

It was why she let herself pretend.

For just a few minutes, she let herself pretend she could have this. Not one, buttwopeople who chose her above all else. Two people who wanted her simply because she existed. Two people who knew she was more than a bond, more than a pawn, more than a means to an end.

She let herself pretend this was a normal morning. That this wasn’t a bond drawing them all to each other. That the warmth in her chest and the heat in her veins and the desire pooling wasmore than just physical needs to be met, but that it was welcome and wanted. She let herself pretend she didn’t feel guilty and disgusted with herself forwantingto begin with.

She let herself pretend that the three of them would get up and have coffee. Maybe they’d stay snuggled in bed. Maybe they’d move to the sofa. Maybe later tonight Theon would have a book, and she’d be stretched out, her feet in his lap and leaning against Luka as they watched the Chaosphere game. Theon would grumble the whole time, and Luka would?—

No.

That was enough pretending.

She didn’t get to have any of that.

That wasn’t what she was meant for, and she’d made peace with that truth.