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was easier to pretend, to imagine my name was Lily

Porter or Charlene Davis and in my mind go home to

their houses and live with their families.

"You're all looking at me like I was crazy.

Well, maybe I was for a while. Doctor Marlowe says

I'm not crazy now."

"No one's crazy here, Star. It's an inappropriate

word, a meaningless word," she said.

"Yeah, maybe, but I sure wasn't in my right

mind. I did some things," I said. After a moment, I

added, "Things I haven't even told you yet, Doctor

Marlowe.

"Whenever I met someone who didn't know

me, for example, I would give them a phony name,

one of the names of the girls I envied and I would talk

like I was Lily Porter or Charlene Davis, describing

their homes and their families as if they really were

mine.

"A couple of times, I went to Charlene Davis's

house, walked right up to the door, pretending I was

coming home. One time, I nearly got caught doing it.

Her sister Lori came up behind me without me

knowing and asked me what I was doing.

"'I was just going to see if your sister was

home,' I said. She looked at me sideways because she

knew I knew her sister was on the cheerleading team

and would be at practice. I made believe I forgot and

walked away quickly. When Charlene asked me about

it the next day, I said I was just in her neighborhood

and had to kill some time. She didn't believe me. They