Page 18

rotten man? Why is it always my fault? He was the

one who made all them promises, wasn't he? I did the

best I could with the little money he brought us. Lots

a times he brought us nothin' because he was out of

work so much. It's no loss him bein' gone, no ma'am.' "On and on she would go and I'd listen and

wonder if she really believed the things she said.

Maybe her eyes saw differently. Maybe she was just a

step or two off-center and her world was running on a

different track, you know. She always looked so

satisfied with herself after one of those explosions of

temper, like she had made important points and shut

everyone up. That's when I began to understand what

was meant when someone said 'You're only fooling yourself.' Momma really was fooling herself. She truly believed she was the victim and not us, not even me and Rodney. We were . . . just unfortunate enough

to be born.

"Like I said, I guess no matter what your life is

like, you can get used to it and just accept things as

they are. Of course, I knew other girls my age didn't

have this kind of life. Oh, they helped out with their

little brothers and sisters, but their little brothers and

sisters didn't become their children. They still thought

about boys and parties and going to the movies and

having fun. I couldn't think of anything without

thinking about Rodney being a part of it. I didn't have

a night off, so to speak," I said. "I was afraid of

bringing anyone to my house. I didn't want my friends

at school to know just how bad things were for me

and for Rodney.

"Then," I said, taking a sip of water and

thinking for a moment, "then I got so I could live

through their stories. Their lives became my life. It