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gutter one day and maybe then she'll decide to do

something about herself,' Granny told me.

"She told it to me so often, I began to wish for

it, wish I would come home and find Momma outside

facedown in the street. I suppose it don't say much for

you when all you can hope for is your momma hitting

rock bottom sooner than later, but that's how it was

and I'm not ashamed of praying for it.

"That's right," I said glaring at them before they

could gasp or ask some stupid question, "I did pray

for it. I went to sleep asking God to send my momma

close to hell as soon as He had the opportunity. "So yes, I did get so I hated her. At times it was

like a rat of hatred was gnawing at my heart. I

probably will always hate her," I declared firmly. No one said a word. It was as if we were all in freeze- frame, not a movement, not even the sound of

anyone breathing.

"Not having Daddy home even once in a while

was like taking a leash off a dog as far as Momma

was concerned. She didn't have to worry about him

coming back from work and not finding her in the

house. She didn't care what the house looked like

either, since he wasn't there to criticize and complain.

At first, it was like her way of getting even with him

for leaving her. I could almost hear her say, 'He

thought I was a no-good drunk slob before? Well, he

should see me now.'

"I stayed home from school even more because

after I saw to Rodney, it was often very late in the

morning and I'd have missed the first two classes by

the time I got there.

"Then Momma went and did the worst thing of