Page 132 of Soulgazer

Gods, when did this happen? How could I be such a fool?

I’ve seen the way his moods shift. Faolan uses charm like a second skin, trading touches and kisses to get whatever he wants. The first time we met, he whispered I was special, and a part of him had to mean it for the manipulation to work.

And that’s the root of it.

Because no matter the looks we’ve shared, the healing of my hand, the stories of his childhood, or the ways he’s held me close, I’ll never be able to tell if it’s me he truly wants, or the magic I possess.

“Saoirse! Come see this!”

Faolan’s eyes light up with a wild look, and it’s like the sun lodges in my chest.

Stars above.

I push off the railing, but have barely reached the helm when I stop, gaping at the wood shavings and haphazard carved lines littered across the deck. “Why—”

“We needed a visual. Look!” Faolan grabs my shoulders and turns me to face the strange circlet of six misshapen blobs, some bigger, some smaller, all of them coming to two points on the right like…

“A crescent moon?”

He points to the bottom right. “Isle of Painted Claw, and there?Isle of Reborn Stalk. That’s the sixth and the first in the lines of thrones, aye?”

“Aye, so—wait.PaintedClaw. You’re not saying—”

He nods, grinning madly as he taps the bottom island with his knuckle. “Lips, and tail.” He knocks the isle above it in the sequence, then scratches an X in between. “There’s the line about the moon, and really, it only makes sense, aye? It’s reborn and so it’s a great snake. And there’s a whole bloody lost goddess, so why wouldn’t her seventh island finish off the circle with the others?”

“Right.” I’m laughing—I can’t help myself from feeling the relief because, broken heart or not, the number of days left in Faolan’s life is dwindling. He must feel the same because he wraps his arms around me, one over my middle and the other across my chest, burying his face in my neck, andgods, it hurts to exist.

“Brona remembered a patch of nubby black rocks right in between that we always avoid, because there’ve been a fair few shipwrecks tha’ way—figure it’s as good a chance as any they’re the ‘stones of shadow.’ And with the full moon affecting the tide, we should be able to avoid the worst of the dangers.”

“What about the pale waters? The frost?”

He falters, then squeezes me so tight I truly lose my breath. “We’ll figure that out when we get there. Think of the—”

“Reward, never the risk.” I’m smiling like a fool when I say it, but Brona, Tavin, Nessa, Lorcan—all of them are watching me expectantly. “What?”

“So you agree?” Faolan lets me go to slip around my side, keeping an arm around my shoulders until he can meet my eyes. “That’s our heading?”

My smile drops as the full realization hits me. My voice has gained respect here. They wantmeto decide.

I swallow as I think over the song, the meeting place of thegods in the center of it all, and…it all fits. I can’t speak, my throat too tight, but I nod and Faolan claps his hands like thunder and bolts off to the wheel, already shouting orders. Nessa grins at me as she passes, Brona touches my arm, and for the first time in my life I truly feel I belong somewhere.

Until my eyes catch on Kiara as she studies the map, and I remember I do not truly belong anywhere.

Not yet.

Fifty

Lamplight glints off the silver wolf on my finger as Faolan’s shadow dances across the wall. His arms bend like tree branches, dark lines crossing one another when he removes his shirt. They pass over the silver-threaded sling hanging on the wall, the green coat I often steal. Arms bound across my chest, I lie as still as I can and try to keep my heart from escaping, because I know exactly what I want now.

No matter how much it will hurt tomorrow.

Faolan’s weight sinks into the bed behind me, heat radiating off his skin like it always does, and I squeeze my eyes shut.

Someday, I will be nothing more than a story to him. The girl who tamed the Wolf of the Wild for a summer. Every moment we’ve shared will be spun into a fantasy, beautiful and stagnant, and I’ll never know which parts were dreams or manipulations and which parts were true.

Except for one.

“Faolan?”