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I downed another beer and closed my eyes. I could only see the pain on Reagan’s face when I did, though. The pain and thenthe determination to leave and have better. I forced my eyes open again and flinched in surprise when I saw Maxie riding up to my window on Bob. I didn’t want to face her. I’d let her down, too. I was starting to wonder if there was anyone I didn’t let down.

Needing some fresh air, I got out of the truck and leaned against it.

“Maxie.”

She looked down at me and sighed.

“You look terrible.”

Nodding, I held my hands out and looked down at myself. I wasn’t sure what day my clothes were on but I could smell myself and it wasn’t good.

“Yep.”

She climbed off of Bob and leaned on the truck next to me.

“You’re acting a little creepy, Mills.”

I nodded again. “Yep.”

She sighed and turned to face me.

“What happened?”

I let out a bitter laugh.

“I fucked everything up. I said horrible shit to her and then I accused her of trying to break up our family. You heard that part.”

“I did.” She was quiet for a few moments and then she grunted. “You know…It shouldn’t be surprising that you’re fucked up, too, Mills. Our parents did a number on all of us. Some more than others, of course, but I don’t think you escaped unscathed.”

Scowling, I turned to her and shook my head.

“They never did anything to me. They treated us boys like gods. I don’t have an excuse for being this way, Max.”

“You’ve taken a lot of hard hits over the last few years. When everything came out about how Mom treated me, you took ithard. I know you still feel guilty about it, like you should’ve saved me somehow.” She crossed her arms and looked out at the ranch. “I was angry at you for a while. I let you blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault, though, Mills. You weren’t there. And when you came back, you took on the role our parents made for you. You were always the workhorse. You did everything for them and they promised you everything in return.”

“You should be angry at me, Maxie. You should fucking hate me. I hate me. I treated you like shit. If anyone was treated like a workhorse, it was you. I never stopped to appreciate you and I need you to know I’m sorry. Your absence at the ranch was fucking gutting for a while. I never knew how much you did.”

“Why aren’t you mad at them, Mills?” She saw me getting ready to argue and cut me off. “Not for me or for Nellie. For you. Why aren’t you mad at them for yourself?”

My eyebrows slammed together.

“Why would I be mad at them for me?”

She laughed.

“Mills, Jesus Christ. They promised you the ranch and forced you to give up any life you might’ve wanted away from this place. They tied you to that place and then they ran it into the ground without ever mentioning to you that they were saddling you with debt out of the ass and more work than you could ever handle. I saw the paperwork when you first took over. I saw you sitting up for hours every night, drinking yourself into a stupor while trying to make sense of everything. They lied to you. You should be furious with them for that.”

I shook my head.

“No. I had a bad couple of weeks in the beginning but I handled it.”

“It was the entire first year, Mills. I watched you.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “You never told anyone else back then. Not even West and Tate. Have you ever told them?”

“No.” How could I? How could I tell them we’d been betrayed by our parents? Our parents had promised us the ranch but when I came home, they’d been parceling it out for gambling money. I’d fought day in and day out to get the land back and I was still struggling to pay off their debts.

“You didn’t escape our parents without your own trauma. You’ve been a brick wall with everyone since that time. You shut down.” Maxie let out a slow sigh and then wrapped her arms around me. “I didn’t see it until I watched you try to sabotage your chances with Reagan. I don’t know if you’re scared to let someone in for fear of being betrayed again or if you’re just so hardened now that you can’t let people in. Either way, you have to figure your shit out.”

I let out a low laugh even as my eyes filled with tears.