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Reagan

I got lucky when I ran into Jolene as soon as I stepped out of the diner. She took one look at me, one look past me into the diner, and swore. I didn’t even have to ask her for a ride. She just pointed at her truck and helped me get Lucky’s carrier locked in before driving away from town.

“You okay?”

I let out a watery laugh.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s a no, then.” She sighed heavily. “They mean well. They’re just idiots. If it makes a difference, I don’t think anything happened with that flower bitch, Melanie. Not for her lack of trying, either. Mills only has eyes for you.”

I stared out the window as the fields passed by.

“Maybe so. He doesn’t really see me, though, Jolene. I’ve told all three of them about how desperately I want a family and always have. I told them all about being raised in the system and fighting to save Mason when I found out about him. Family means something to me. It’s the reason I came here to find them and stayed even when they were assholes. I fought for them tonight. I told their sisters to stop leaving them out and I was making progress. Because I see how much it hurts them and I care. Then they came in and accused me of trying to keep their family apart.”

She swore again. “Fucking idiots.”

I looked down at Lucky and sniffed.

“Maybe I’ve been so desperate to give Lucky a happy family with his dads that I’ve ignored the obvious. They don’t really care about me. Not really. If they did, they never could’ve accused me of that. Mills was right, I guess. I have been desperate.”

“He called you desperate?”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t do this, Jolene. I can’t keep hoping and crossing my fingers that I’m somehow going to get the happy ending that Nellie, Vera, and Maxie got. The sex is good, but that’s about it. You can’t build a healthy family on that. They think the worst of me over and over again.” I sniffed again, trying to contain my tears. “Maybe they’re right, sometimes. The way I reacted to seeing Mills hugging Melanie wasn’t great. I was jealous and I lashed out. That’s not healthy, either. This whole thing has been unhealthy but I’ve just been hoping and praying they were it for me.”

Jolene reached across the small truck to hold my hand. “I—”

“Will you take me to the bunkhouse, Jolene? I need to talk to Mason.”

“Of course. And then what?”

“And then I’m going to pack up and go. I can’t stay in that house with them for another night, playing family like everything’s great. It’s too hard.” I stroked Lucky’s cheek. “I’ll write out some sort of plan for us sharing Lucky before I go. I don’t want to keep them apart. No matter what they say or think. They’re good dads. They love Lucky and he loves them.”

“Reagan…Maybe stay at the bunkhouse for a night or two? Sort everything out before you leave. Those guys are stupid but I think they care about you.” Jolene heard me grunt and rushed on. “I’ve never seen them act the way they do with you. I would’ve sworn they loved you if you’d asked me this morning, Reagan.”

“And now?”

She let out a bone deep sigh.

“I still think they love you. I just think they love sabotaging themselves more.”

“You know I love them?” When she nodded, I had to wipe tears from my cheeks. “I do. I love them so much. I wish it mattered.”

The rest of the drive was quiet. She drove me straight to the bunkhouse and turned the truck off.

“I’ll wait to give you and Lucky a ride to the house.”

I would’ve sent her away but the night air was cool enough that I didn’t want to get Lucky sick. “Thank you, Jolene.”

The bunkhouse door opened and Mason stuck his head out. “I thought that was you. What are you doing here?”

I hurried to his side and hugged him tight.

“I’m going back to Dallas. I just wanted to let you know.”

He stammered and pushed away from me.

“What? What are you talking about?”