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“Oh, my god, Harley.” I ran my hands through my hair and tugged at it. “I’m not reconsidering things. This is for the best. They don’t trust me and they’re just going to keep hurting me. I love them but it’s not enough.”

“You love them?”

I groaned. “Just drive, Harley. I don’t want to talk about it.”

My phone rang again and I saw it was Mills. Again. I silenced my phone and dropped it into my purse so I wouldn’t see the screen light up. My chest hurt and it just got worse with every call.

“Fine.” Harley managed to stay quiet for thirty seconds before she couldn’t contain her thoughts anymore. “Reagan, you love them. Did you tell them?”

“No.”

“You should’ve told them.” She grunted when I elbowed her. “I’m serious. You’re shooting yourself in the foot. The guys aren’t perfect by any means but I think they’re perfect for you. Whether you can admit it right now or not.”

“Why are you doing this?” I wiped more tears away. “I need your support, Harley.”

She frowned but nodded.

“Fine. I’ll be quiet for now.”

I did my best to pull myself together but when we pulled up to Maxie’s ranch and she stepped outside with her three husbands, I lost it. I doubled over in my seat and quietly sobbed. Jealousy and doubt consumed me until I wasn’t sure which way was up or down. I felt lost. Those butterflies of hope which had beenfluttering at the idea of a family with the guys had lifted me so far off the earth that the crash felt like it was going to kill me.

“Oh, Rea.” Harley leaned over and held me. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

I tilted my head to look at her.

“I love them. I just can’t accept pieces of them when I can’t be sure they’ll ever fully trust me, right? They want me, though, and this feels like walking away from the family I always wanted. I don’t know what I’m doing. I was so sure last night. I was sure ten minutes ago. But I swear to god, Harley, seeing Maxie with her husbands feels like being kicked in the chest. What if I’m making a huge mistake?”

“Oh, babe.” She held me tighter. “It’s just one day. You get some space today and when you wake up in the morning, think about it again. One day won’t break anything. Just give yourself the time to think about it. I want you back with them, too, but you need to be sure of your decision.”

Maxie opened my door and knelt beside the car to join Harley in hugging me.

“Oh, Reagan. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened but I’m here for you.”

I cried harder.

“I shouldn’t be here. You should be comforting your brothers. Not me.”

“Oh, hush. I can do both. Now get out of this car and get inside. Shep’s making waffles.”

Harley groaned.

“If dying from jealousy was a thing, y’all would be ordering carnations for my funeral right now. Don’t do that, though. I hate carnations. I know they’re the funeral flower but I don’t want it. I want anemones, something hard as shit to keep alive and fickle as hell.”

Maxie let out a muffled laugh.

“Noted.”

CHAPTER 46

Mills

Sitting outside of Maxie’s house with a six-pack of beer and Hank Williams playing on the radio, I was about as low as I’d ever been. Three days. It’d been three days since I’d seen Reagan. Those three days felt like three different lifetimes.

I was bleary eyed and exhausted after staying up all night, watching Reagan’s window. I saw her light go off around nine. It came on multiple times through the night and I could picture her getting up with Lucky like I was in the room with them. I hated whatever curtains Maxie had hung up in that room because I couldn’t catch sight of even a shadow of Reagan. I was desperate to catch a glimpse of her, desperate enough to camp out at the end of Maxie’s driveway like a fucking creep.

I didn’t have anything else to do. I couldn’t face my brothers. I couldn’t face Jolene, or Mason, or any of the other ranch hands who’d come to like seeing Reagan and Lucky around the ranch. It was my fault she was gone. I’d cost my brothers everything. I could see the anger in their eyes, even when they tried to hide it. We all knew it was my fault. I led the fucking charge into the diner to confront Reagan and our sisters. I was the asshole who accused Reagan of trying to break up our family.

I didn’t even know where the accusation came from. It was like every fucking issue I’d ever had came out when she was concerned. I’d never realized I had issues with trusting women. I’d never taken a relationship seriously, or even attempted to have one, but there was something about Reagan that brought out the worst of me. She scared me. I knew I didn’t deserve her but it was too late for my heart to back off. She had so much power over my health and happiness and it scared the shit out of me.