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“He doesn’t know that. The only person he bonded with was Pilar. He wouldn’t even let Mommy pick him up, and I mean, he used to nap in my bed, and then he stopped. Refused to go anywhere near me.”

“It’s—”

“Don’t make excuses. It’s fuckedup to the max.”

“Constance, don’t use words like that.”

“Well, it is! I speak to Mommy, I call her out, and I get her excuses too. Wanna hear the latest one? She thought Brandon would be like you. She thought he would help with us and become some kind of homemaker. I don’t know what kind of Chardonnay she’s downing, but that? Insane. Even I know better.”

“I hope you do.”

“Independent woman and all that Beyoncé bull. Nobody can do everything on their own. It doesn’t work like that. We need help.Ineed help.”

“I know that.”

“Not all the help, though. I’m going to go over to Sarah’s. I haven’t seen her for years, and if I’m going back to school, I will need some intel. I need to be in the know. And also, I need to have people. Otherwise, I’ll just be the new girl, and that’s a shitty place to be.”

“Language.” I sighed. “Constance.”

“If I talk like a posh private school girl, I’ll get shit for it.”

“You are a posh private school girl.”

“Where do I belong?”

I hadn’t even noticed him, crawling across the sofa, but here he was, my Marmie, hanging over the armrest, staring at me.

“You said Phinney doesn’t know where he belongs. Where does he belong?”

“That’s a very good question,” I replied, having to swallow down emotions. I had no idea. Where did we all belong?

“I don’t know where I belong.”

“We belong with each other.” Constance saved me. “Because we’re family.”

“Mommy is family.”

Marmaduke was bright. Smart. God. My kids. How I’d missed this.

“Mommy will always be your mommy,” I stated, feeling like a fraud. “She’s going to look after you. Always.”

“But we’re here now.”

“Yes. And this is your house. Your home. This is where you belong. At home.”

I was speaking out of turn, selling a dream that was in no way a definite truth, promising them a future I couldn’t guarantee. My stomach hurt. Everything hurt. My heart.

“Is that why you stayed here? Mommy kept saying you should sell. I was scared that you would.”

Now Constance was on the floor too, all of us sitting here, even Phinney, backed up against the wall, like he couldn’t get any further away from me.

“I couldn’t,” I spoke softly. I wanted so badly for them to understand where I was coming from here. “Because…this is home. You were born here. Mommy gave birth to all of you right down here in this room. We had a birthing pool and a doula and all that. This is where we had the best time with you guys. Where we were happy. It’s our house. Your rooms. My… We were family here. I hope we can be happy here again. However this—”

“I don’t want to go to school,” Marmie said, crawling off the sofa.

I breathed out. He wasn’t wearing a nappy, and that sofa… I needed to figure this out. Learn. So much to find out and get used to.

“Daddy, I don’t want to go to school because I don’t have friends. It’s not fun. Then people make fun of you, and I don’t want them to.”