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“Good. I’m a man who likes to provide. I also like to eat.” I grinned, and she playfully huffed and tried to stall.
“Fine.” She reached to try to snatch the bag, but I held it close to my chest, and she gave a big belly laugh as she swung her hips to check mine. “It better be yummy.”
I chuckled and took her by the arm and led her over to a bench that was shaded by a huge pine tree. We sat beside each other, and she watched with interest as I draped a big napkin over her skirt, then pulled out a couple of plastic containers and two forks and handed her one of each.
“That smells positively amazing.” She took the fork and speared one of the cheesy penne noodles and popped it in her mouth. She moaned as she closed her eyes, and I stilled with fascination. “Where on Earth did you get this, or did you make it?”
“No, I didn’t make it,” I lifted my fork, “but it’s one of the perks of having a friend who can cook.”
“Zack made this?”
“Yes.” I swallowed and wiped my mouth on a napkin.
“He should be a chef.”
“That’s his dream. He and his brother, Alex, both cook, so they are looking to open a restaurant someday.” She nodded, and we chatted comfortably as we ate our tasty lunch.
After a while, she got quiet, and I could tell she was thinking about something. “What is it, Sue?” I asked.
“What about you, Daniel? What do you want? What are your dreams?” She took another mouthful then dragged the fork slowly out of her mouth as she looked at me. It took great effort to force my gaze from her mouth up to her eyes. I swallowed hard and took a second to answer.
“Dreams and wants are two vastly different things.” She waited for me to go on. “My dream would be not to have ever left for Nam. My want is to make a difference. To change things for the better somehow.” I skirted around my secret about the safehouse. “To have both, a career and a family.” I added.
She nodded and took a few more bites, and I could see the wheels turning in her head. I knew that look. It seemed everyone had the same look on their face when they thought about the war in Vietnam, and I was starting to despise it.
“You can ask,” I whispered.
“What was it like over there? I don’t mean the worst of times, just the day in and day out.”
I wanted to choose my words carefully because my gut reaction was to shock and give the gory details. It often worked to make people stop asking. But I didn’t want that for Sue. I wanted her to see I could handle the ugly that plagued my life even if it was a challenge to do so.
“Have you ever been to the lake at night?” She nodded. “Ever swam down deep and then look around, and for a hair of a second you get confused as to which way is up and which way is down? Your lungs burn, and panic begins to idle, then it suddenly gets a green light and bursts through your core and takes over your head.” I took a breath to slow myself down.
“I do, actually.”
“So, imagine that feeling on my best day.” She stopped chewing and placed her fork down on her napkin. “We had to be monsters there, and now we’re monsters here. Go figure.” I shrugged.
She leaned back and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear then covered her mouth. It was subtle movement, but it told me she’d heard what I said. I hated people when they overreacted and overplayed the sympathy card. I wanted nothing to do with that.
“That must have been incredibly hard. What kept you going?”
I held her gaze and watched as her eyes softened then fluttered down, and a smile turned up the corners of her lips. Then she took the bag and tucked her dish and napkin in it. I added mine and rolled the top down. Neither of us spoke, and as if on cue, we both stood.
“I should get back inside.” She brushed off her skirt. “Thank you for that delicious lunch, and be sure to tell Zack how much I loved it.” She smiled then placed a soft hand on my arm. “And Daniel, thank you for sharing that with me.” I nodded and walked with her the short distance to the steps. “I…” She stumbled for something else to say.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said a bit firmer than I intended.
“Tomorrow?” She looked like she was missing something.
“Yes, for lunch.”
“Oh,” she chuckled, “is that so?”
“Yes, have a great rest of your day, Sue.” I kissed the back of her hand like the gentleman I was and left with the biggest grin I’d ever had on my face. She hadn’t said no.
I wanted to run like I used to as a kid, arms beating at my sides, legs burning with heat, mouth gaping open catching flies as I ran to tell my best friend I had a date with a girl. I wanted to tell him it was a girl I was totally smitten over, but not today. Instead I relished my high and just enjoyed the sun as it shone brighter than ever. I steered toward Zack with a happy grin.
“Oh, that face tells me my meal sealed the deal?” Zack tossed a tea towel over his shoulder as he leaned his hip against the doorframe while I hopped up the steps.