Page 76

As I dragged the t-shirt on, she said, “Your mom and dad are here. I just buzzed them up. They sound worried.”
I supposed I should’ve expected that. They’d been concerned when I’d told them about the engagement and quick wedding. Actually, their first response had been to ask if I was pregnant. I hadn’t told them the truth about why Derrick and I were rushing things, but I could tell they hadn’t really believed my bullshit about us not wanting to drag out an engagement and just wanting to get started on our life together.
And it had been bullshit in more ways than one, I admitted to myself now. It’d never been the beginning of a life together, just the start of a single year where I’d be living with a man I really didn’t know.
How could I know him if he didn’t let me close in the ways that mattered? I’d let him do things to me that I’d never even thought of before him, but I didn’t know what he really felt when we were together.
Or maybe I did and I just didn’t want to acknowledge the truth.
Feeling at least a little better now that I’d changed my clothes, I carried my lingerie to the kitchen and threw it in the trash. The stockings were ruined anyway, and I couldn’t exactly donate the underwear.
“Going to throw the wedding dress away, too?” Jami asked.
“No.” Face hot, I picked it up and stuffed it into the closet. “I can donate it to someone who needs it.”
Even as I said it, the thought of some other woman wearing that dress threatened to drive me back to tears. I hadn’t taken Mom and Jami dress shopping with me, the way I’d always imagined I would when I got married, but it had been a dress I’d chosen and loved. Something that I’d thought Derrick would enjoy seeing on me…and taking off me.
Except it’d been that very reaction that’d pushed me over the edge and sent me running.
My parents knocked, and Jami got to the door before I could unstick my feet. They came rushing in, and I had to hold back sobs as my mother wrapped me in her arms, the familiar scent of her perfume more soothing than anything else could have been right now.
“Honey, what happened? What’s wrong? Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I…”
“Now, Charli,” my father said, giving my mother a concerned look. “She’ll talk when she’s ready.”
“That’s the problem,” Mom said, her voice almost sharp. “Shewon’ttalk. I knew they were rushing into this. We hardly know this Derrick fellow, and she almostmarriedhim. I don’t think he evenlovesher—”
I flinched, and my mom hugged me, unaware of how true her words were.
“Oh, baby. I’m sorry.” She squeezed me tighter. “Of course he loved you. I’m sure he wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t–”
“No,” I whispered.
When she went to speak, I stepped out of her embrace. I had to come clean, but I couldn’t do it if she was hugging me.
“Mom, Dad….” The knot in my chest grew, but I made myself look at them, bracing myself for the pain this would cause. “The thing is, um, things with Derrick were never real. The dating, the relationship…even the wedding.”
My heart twisted at my words, reminding me that one thing, at least, had been real, even if it hadn’t been returned. I couldn’t tell them that though. Not them. Not Jami. Not anyone.
Ever.
No one could know that I’d lost my heart.
I forced more words out. “It was all something he – we – arranged. Just an…act.”
“An act?” My mother looked confused, but Dad looked murderous.
Despondent, I took Mom’s hand and led her to the couch, my dad following along. Even though Jami already knew the story, she joined us, her silent support giving me the strength I needed to tell my parents every last awful detail, including what my actions today could cost them.
TWENTY-NINE
DERRICK
The levelof scotch in my bottle had been steadily decreasing over the past couple of hours as I’d drunk directly from it rather than bothering with a glass. At one point, I’d considered getting up and making some coffee, or at least getting some water to drink, but it had only been a brief, passing thought.
Getting wasted was a lot more appealing than dealing with this shit sober.