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A knock at my door drew my attention. I’d given everyone the day off, which made me think I knew who was here.
“Come in,” I called.
“Hey,” Drew said as he came in. “Still stuck?”
I sighed and pushed back from my desk. “Yeah. I can’t figure out how to end things.”
“Maybe you need a break,” he suggested. “Come to the club with me. We’ll have a couple drinks, watch a show, maybe find someone to have a little fun with.”
I shook my head even before he finished asking the question. “No, I want to keep working on this chapter.”
“You know, it’s been a while since you’ve been there,” Drew said. “Maybe you should cancel your membership if you’re not going to use it.”
I shot him an annoyed look but didn’t bother responding in any other way. What was I supposed to do, tell him that the club and the whole BDSM lifestyle didn’t hold any appeal for me without the only partner I wanted? Hell, nothing appealed to me without her. I’d admitted to myself that I wanted Jessica in a way that had nothing to do with my book or sex, but I wasn’t ready to confessthatto Drew.
I did, however, need to know something. “How did things go with Jessica?”
The knowing look Drew gave me made me think I wasn’t keeping my cards as close as I thought I was.
“She was thrilled,” he said. “Looked at me like I’d just saved Christmas and New Year’s.”
A stab of jealousy hit me hard enough to make me wince. He was my best friend, and I knew for a fact that he wasn’t romantically interested in Jessica, but I still hated the idea of her looking at him that way.
“It was generous of you,” he said. “Though you probably could’ve saved yourself some trouble if you hadn’t waited until the last minute.”
I shrugged. It’d been a difficult decision to make. I’d never really had to balance my work life with my personal one and deciding to do something that wasn’t exactly smart from a business perspective wasn’t easy. I’d kept hearing my father’s voice in my head telling me how the business was all that mattered. He wouldn’t care if it was Broker Publishing rather than his business. In his mind, making money and building an empire always came first.
“Shoot me a text if you change your mind about the club,” Drew said. “And don’t work too late.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything as he left. A slow smile curved my lips as I thought about what he’d said. Jessica had been ‘thrilled’ with my gift. Maybe I was still focusing too much on material things, but since I wasn’t sure if she’d ever talk to me again, giving her something important to her would have to be enough.
I went back over the last chapter I’d written, hoping it would spark something to help me tie up the book, but no such luck.
When my stomach growled a bit later, I thought Drew might’ve had a good idea with suggesting I take a break. I didn’t plan on going anywhere though. Food could come to me, solving two problems with the same solution. Birds and stones and all that.
I called my favorite Chinese place and placed my usual order. While I waited, I went over to my bar and pulled out a bottle of whisky. Just as I went to open it, I paused. Not too long ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about having a drink at work, much less one with a meal, but part of my plan to become a better man involved reducing my alcohol intake. I needed to see what my life looked like without the usual things I used to avoid dealing with my life.
Half an hour later, I’d written a single sentence ten times and deleted it nine times. When the phone on my desk rang from the security line, I let the guys downstairs know that they could send the delivery person up and I’d meet them at the elevator. I got cash from my wallet and headed for the elevator, arriving just as the doors opened.
“Jessica.” I froze, unable to believe what I was seeing. “What…?”
She held up a bag and smiled, the expression not quite reaching her eyes. “I ran into the delivery guy outside and said I’d bring it up.”
I took a step back as she came out of the elevator, my head reeling. I felt like I’d conjured her by thinking about her, asking Drew about how things had gone. But if I could’ve made her appear just by thinking, she would’ve been around a hell of a lot more.
“How much do I owe you?”
I could’ve kicked myself. The first time I’d seen her in months and of all the things I could’ve said or asked,thatwas what I came up with?
She made a dismissive gesture. “I took care of it.”
“Thank you.” I took the bags she offered.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, she asked, “We can talk here in the hall, but we might be more comfortable somewhere with chairs.”
I blinked. “Oh, sorry. Yeah. Come to my office.”
As the two of us walked the short distance to my office, I worked on pulling myself together. The last thing I’d expected tonight was Jessica to show up here, even though, if I’d really thought about it, I should’ve seen this as a possible response to my gesture. Maybe I’d just been too scared to hope and hadn’t wanted to risk the disappointment.