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But my mind drifted elsewhere again.

“Where are we with the construct over Dubai?” I asked.

Balidor glanced at Revik, lifting an eyebrow before he looked back at me.

“We have been discussing that very thing. Most of the morning, Esteemed Bridge.”

Frowning, I thought for a minute, tapping the metal tabletop absently with my fingers. “Did you discuss Feigran’s drawings? Whether anything there might give us a glimpse into the workings of the network as a whole?”

Balidor shook his head, once.

His expression reflected an open puzzlement now.

He glanced at Revik, then at Tarsi, both of whom remained stone-faced.

“No, Esteemed Bridge.” Balidor’s voice grew subdued. “But I believe the Sword could answer these questions more thoroughly than I. He spent a great deal of time going over those materials while we were still encamped in San Francisco. Including the book Kali transcribed from her visions… the one she left you in the vault with the Lists.”

I glanced at Revik.

He met my gaze directly that time.

Feeling a pulse of heat off him, I fought to keep my reaction off my face. I saw his eyes change, right before he shrugged. His face never lost its infiltrator’s mask.

“I would very much like to go over those materials with you, Esteemed Bridge,” he said, using his polite voice. “Perhaps we could do that in a separate meeting?”

I nodded, feeling my shoulders relax.

“Okay,” I said. “Great. Thanks.”

Everyone continued to look at me, as if waiting to see if I was finished. When they didn’t speak after a few more seconds, I waved a hand in their general direction.

“Go ahead,” I said. “Keep talking.”

I felt puzzlement waft off a few more of them.

I ignored it.

I knew I was acting strange, but I couldn’t seem to help it. Some of it might have been avoidance, especially with the Cass discussion, but I knew that wasn’t all of it.

Usually I would be the one leading a meeting like this.

Was it Lily? Was I worried about her?

Or was it just all of thisothershit swimming through my light? What Terian told me. Dubai, Cass, Maygar, the guy collecting seers… Revik’s sexual past. My mother being here, watching me, her face as puzzled as everyone else’s. Dalejem, who sat across from me, even though I studiously avoided looking at him. My father, Uye, who was still the hardest for me to avoid for some reason, who sat only a few seats down from me.

I couldn’t shake the feeling I was missing something.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of something bearing down on us out of the dark.

Balidor made a few cryptic comments about Jon and Wreg “not being the only ones bonding right now,” so maybe that was part of it. They thought Revik and I were bonding too, probably because of all the changes in our lights over the past year.

Even now, I felt Balidor’s light on mine, less subtly than usual. I knew it was his job to keep an eye on that kind of thing, so I didn’t take offense.

I did find it incredibly distracting, though.

After a few minutes more while they talked over weapons, I stood up.

Again, I barely realized what I was doing until they all turned, staring at me.