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I tried to remember what I’d said to him. Something about trying to remember that, the exact words that passed between us when I last saw him––it just killed my anger.

It left me tired, feeling lost.

I looked around at all of them. I could feel them all staring at me.

I saw Ullysa sitting there, her eyes wide, holding more understanding than the rest of them. I looked at her, at her flawless face and violet eyes and her gorgeous, perfectly-coiffed red hair, and I remembered the two of us sitting in that exact same booth a few nights ago, along with Chandre, Hondo, Neela.

We’d been playing cards.

We’d been drinking, playing cards, talking about life, about the op in Macau.

I remembered Ullysa telling me about a boat ride she’d taken to Victoria with her last lover, saying how I should go with Revik sometime, whenever we––

My brain didn’t want to complete the thought.

Ullysa rose slowly to her feet.

Moving carefully, but still with that grace of hers, that perfect, feminine way she moved and her movie star body, she kept her eyes on my face, her light exuding grief as she walked towards me. She was an infiltrator, but she was soft, too.

Like Kali. Like my mother.

Nothing like me.

Her long red hair hung freely down her back, and I found myself staring at it, wondering if she’d worn the same dress with Revik.

She was my friend. She’d been to my wedding.

“Sister.” Ullysa held out a hand to me, her eyes filling with tears. “Sister. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I thought…” She choked on the words. “I thought you knew about this. He told me you knew. That you approved…”

I fought to understand her, to make sense of her words.

“I thought you knew,” she said, softer. Tears ran down her face. “He told me you knew, beloved sister. That you’d spoken about this. I thought he had permission––”

Before I could get past the look on her face, Wreg raised his voice.

“Sister!” he growled. I heard understanding in his words. Even more, I felt it in his light. His voice turned harsh, openly angry. “Get the fuck away from her. Now!”

Ullysa stopped in her tracks.

She didn’t look away from me, though.

“Do you want to be dead, sister?” Wreg snapped. “Is this a death wish you have?”

I felt her wanting to talk to me still, but she listened to Wreg, reluctant. Or maybe she felt the same thing he did. Maybe she saw something in my face. I honestly don’t know.

In any case, I felt what Wreg felt.

On me. In my light.

By then, I felt all of it.

I looked at Ullysa herself, understanding more every second, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I remembered Kali looking at me on the beach, and the pain in my chest worsened. I remembered Dalejem staring at us, staring at me, the look in Uye’s blue eyes, his tears, Kali’s hurt expression, Lily leaning on Revik’s back and shoulder, watching him color a cartoon rabbit, Revik on the beach, squeezing my fingers until they hurt––

“I am so sorry, sister,” Ullysa said, her voice a whisper.

She was crying, but I couldn’t make sense of that, either.

I have to go,I thought.