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Here we go. I wait for it. The torment I know she’s been holding on to. I need to hear it, so I can hit her with the truth.
Her fingers work in opposition of her words as she unzips her jeans. “What if something happens to us?”
Her lower lip wobbles, and she checks on me, her gaze traveling to my face while she forces her pants to the floor. The patch of skin where the hem of her shirt hits her thighs is so incredibly sexy.
“So, what if it does?” I counter, fisting my cock at the base.
What if something does happen? I’m not normally the type to overanalyze situations that don’t involve football strategy, but my feelings for her have triggered a systematic release of relentless questions that I only have two simple answers for.
One, something happening to us isn’t a path that our destinies will travel. I simply won’t let it happen.
Two, if something happens to her, my mourning will only last as long as it takes to inform Raeann’s family and fire the gun I purchased a couple of weeks ago along with the one bullet that’s waiting in my safe, should the need arise.
The perfect exit strategy to a life that’s no longer worth living if it doesn’t have her in it.
Anything else, and I firmly believe that she and I will be able to get through it.
Her arms tremble as she pulls her shirt over her head, revealing a blue lace bra and panties—one of the sets she purchased with my credit card. “If something happens? Pain,” she answers, and the hurt in her voice might break me. “Unbelievable pain.”
As much as I wish I could tell her that I won’t let anything happen to her, or to me, or to Athena, she understands more than most that no one can promise those things. We can’t play God. Or be a higher power. “Pain only happens because of love. If you didn’t love something, you wouldn’t feel it when it’s taken away.”
“Which is why I should walk right now.”
My throat closes when I swallow. Panic rises, but I force it down before my baser instincts kick in, like somehow trapping her here. “It’s too late,” I tell her. “You already love me. Even if you decided to walk away right now, you’ll feel it.”
“Why did you do that?” she asks, tears clinging to her lashes like beautiful raindrops. “Why did you make me love you?”
“You and I are inevitable, Raeann Gorman. We didn’t have a choice.”
“But if I walk away, at least I’ll be in control,” she says, peering up at me.
“You honestly think that would matter?”
She shrugs, wringing her hands together.
“Let me tell you what would happen if you walked away from me right now. I would be an empty carcass of myself. My soul would dim. The part of it that always looks for you would still be there, beating my heart and making me take in breaths, but every one would be excruciating without you in it. Lost. Desolate.”
She opens the shower door. My beautiful girl. I swear I can see her heart pumping through her chest.
“But I would stay here, with a tiny sliver of hope that you would come back to me.”
She swallows hard, but I keep going.
“Control is a façade. A lie. We’re not in control, Raeann. Our bodies, our hearts, our souls are.”
She reaches out, wrapping her hand around mine, guiding me down my length. The spray ricochets off me and fans against her chest. She guides me slowly, gripping harder.Fuck.
“What would happen to you if you turned around and left right now?” Her grip tightens even more, and I nearly groan with the pleasure coursing through me.
“I’d be…lost.”
“Unfulfilled?”
She nods.
“And probablystillscared.”
A whimper emerges from the back of her throat, and she gives in, falling against me. “Micah.”