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She held back with me a few hours ago. She narrated the story like she was performing a voiceover for someone else’s tragic story. But here it is, right now, coming out.
“Baby?” I stroke along her jaw, then up her cheekbones and into her hair again. “Wake up, beautiful.”
Her arms jerk again, lifting and falling back onto me. With every second that she remains in this nightmare, resolve grows within me. Raeann will never feel like this again. I will spend any amount of money to get her help. Therapy. Doctors. I’ll buy her ten Athenas.
“Raeann?”
My heart beats out of my chest as panic sets in. I squeeze her upper arms. Outside the door, a low bark sounds. My gaze cuts to the open doorway, and I sigh. “Fine. Come do it.”
As if Athena understands, she trots into the room and jumps on the bed. She lays down on Raeann, moving up her body until she’s practically pushed me out. She licks her face. For a tense few moments, Raeann’s whimpers get worse. Athena nudges her under the chin, then licks her some more.
I hold my hand over my mouth, watching her work. This dog might love her more than I do, and that’s highly improbable. When I look at Raeann, I see my life. The only thing I will concede to is that we love her the same excessive amount. Like this dog and I are cut from the same obsessive cloth.
Little by little, Raeann regains consciousness. Soon, her mouth opens in a silent scream. Athena moves up until her paws are on Raeann’s chest, and she licks her more. Raeann gasps, her cheeks wet with tears, and Athena licks them all away.
“Good girl,” Raeann coos, sliding her hands through her fur, her lids fluttering shut.
“Hey,” I say, voice cracking. Athena lays down, so I can stroke the line of her jaw. Raeann tenses for a moment before her eyes fly open. On high alert again, Athena kisses her hand.
As soon as Raeann’s gaze locks onto mine, she bursts out with another sob. It doesn’t gradually build, it comes in with a choked fury.
“It’s okay,” I tell her, pulling her to me. Her body shakes against mine.
“He was right there,” she says, her voice muffled by my shoulder. “I even had my fingers on him, but then it whisked him away. I had him.” Her voice cracks again. This time, I hear everything she didn’t say yesterday. Regret. Anger. Mutilated what-ifs that lie in pieces on the ground.
“It’s not your fault.”
Athena licks her elbow, then jumps off the bed. She walks toward the door, then peers back at me with a gaze that says I better handle this. I give her a quick nod and hold Raeann closer.
“I had him,” she repeats.
“No one is that strong, beautiful.”
“You don’t understand.” Her lips move against my skin wet with her tears. “I saw him get lifted up…” Her frame convulses in my arms.
“You’re right, I don’t understand.” My hands move up and down her back. “If you tell me about it, I’ll try.”
She shakes her head. “I haven’t had a nightmare like that in months. It’s because I told you about it earlier.”
“I’m sorry.”
She pulls away, swiping at her eyes. I take hold of her hand, squeezing it while my other lifts to dry her face. “I wanted to tell you. But this is what happens.” Her face dissolves again. “I’m notokay. I can pretend for a little while, but then something like this happens, and it’s like it happened yesterday.”
“I’m no doctor, but I think that’s normal.”
“I get mad.” Her cheekbones burn with a red fierceness. “I don’t understand why it had to be me.”
“One thing I know,” I tell her, my fingertips feathering through her hair again, “is that you’re so strong, Raeann Gorman.”
“I don’t want to be.”
“You don’t have to be. You have me. And Athena.”
She collapses against me, her body shaking with her cries. Words aren’t enough, so I hold her in my arms until they cramp, and then I hold her more. If I could slay her nightmares, I would. I’d erase all the bad thoughts from her memory and send them into oblivion.
My Raeann doesn’t deserve this.
Eventually, her cries stop. I would guess she went to sleep if it weren’t for the way her fingers still cling to me like an anchor.