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I love her for being outraged, but it’s fine. Really. I mean, I’m definitely not overthinking the implication that Micah’s model ex couldn’t keep his attention so how could I? I mean, that would just be crazy. “For what? Because they left a stupid magazine in front of our shop? They didn’t do anything illegal.”
“How about loitering? And littering! We’ll get this skank for all theLwords.” Tab attempts to rip the magazine in half, but when she’s not strong enough, she does a three-sixty in the backroom before finding the trash can and ceremoniously dumping it inside—then kicking the can for good measure.
“It’ll blow over,” I reassure her, looking through the pick list and seeing what I can grab quickly. Katya, Jace, and Sunny aren’t even here yet. It’s been a week since I was on that stupid morning show and then hit them back with my own version of events. I hesitated to say anything at all, consideringWake Up, Nashvillenever played anything that was truly embarrassing for me. Just the sudden terror on my face and Tab taking over the interview. But the thing that got me was they brushed the fact that they never finished the show under the rug with “technical difficulties.”
I am not a technical difficulty. I am a person. When I found out that the studio worked with the Wildcats’ GM, I had to do something. Not going to lie, it felt good to take control, to hold the power. I had so many wonderful, amazing comments from supporters and those who could sympathize.
Speaking out has had its consequences, though. I became an even bigger target to some…like gossip magazines.
“I hope you’re not letting all of this get to you,” Tab states. In her eyes that keep cutting to me, I spy the worry there.
“Me? I mean, that definitely doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”
She drops her head practically to her shoulders to give me the most deadpan look I’ve ever seen. “I love you, but overthinking is sort of your MO.”
The back of my neck crawls with every terrible thought I’ve had within the past week.
What if he does get taken from me? Sure, the trade rumor was just a ruse, but anything could happen, and I meananything. What if I can’t hack it as a public persona? I never wanted to be pushed into the limelight. There’s a difference between being seen andbeing seen.I just wanted someone to notice me. I didn’t need tens of thousands—oh dear,hundredsof thousands—of people to know I exist or make commentary on my love life.
“You’re doing it right now. I can tell.”
“I’m fine.”
Athena nudges my hand at the same time Tab says, “Really?” and pointedly peers down at my earnest-looking pup. “That’s why you keep waking up early to work? And why you’ve been moping and coming up with excuses not to see Micah? Girl, he saw you at your worst and he’s still here. You’re fine.”
I press my lips together, worried about talking this through with Tab. Every day, I’ve been lingering by her, my brain demanding that I spit it out already, but every time I mull the words over, they either sound irrational or make the most complete sense, and I don’t want Tab to talk me out of whichever way I’m feeling that day.
The doordings, and the voices of Katya, Sunny, and Jace sound. Tab grabs my hand and yanks me into the main part of the store. “Glad you guys are here. We’re heading out.”
“Tab!” I protest as she whisks me out the door. Jace and Sunny wave from the other side of the glass. Tab wraps her elbow through mine and leads me to the coffee shop at the endof the street. After ordering our favorite drinks, we sit at a cozy booth in the corner.
“Spill,” she says, looking over at me intently.
“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”
“That ship has sailed. Spill.”
“What if it doesn’t work out between us?” I say in almost a whisper. Like the rawest parts of me just made it into audible form and I don’t know how I feel about it.
“Crazy. Next.”
“No, I mean it,” I tell her. “You saw how I reacted. Jesus Christ, Tab. I froze. I panicked so hard. It was like I was lost, wondering what I was going to do without him.” My hands search for Athena, who would usually be at my side, but then I realize she stayed back at the store, and I take a deep breath instead.
I can do this.
Tab sips her coffee and sets it down again. “Listen, I don’t pretend to understand much that goes on in your quirky yet beautiful brain, but Rae-bae, what are you actually going to accomplish with all this worry? You’re going to talk yourself out of being with him for fear of being hurt. You’re going to drive yourself mad wondering about what-ifs that might not even happen. And don’t get me started on that ridiculous article you had your head in this morning. Micah’s not going to get bored with you. I mean, he got a tattoo that represents you on his chest, Raeann. On. His. Chest. Permanent.”
“What about his other tattoos?”
“Huh?”
I shrug, sitting back and sipping my tea. “The other tattoos. Maybe one is for Stella. Did you ever think about that? Maybe that’s what Micah does. He goes around wooing girls with tattoos. His whole arm could be tributes to other women and I don’t even know.”
“Ask him.”
“What?”
“Just ask him.”