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I get so busy tracking stock and analyzing reports afterward that my watch has to remind me of my appointment with the therapist.
Just as well. The SKUs and numbers have started to blur in front of me. I stand, stretching, and then I’m off again, my brain—and body—already weary.
It’s my second appointment with Dr. Lauren Franks, and I’ve decided I like her. The first appointment was an overall how I’m doing and feeling. We touched a little on everything. My past, the relationships with people in my life, and my general well-being.
I’m still going over everything we talked about in the first meeting when she comes out into the waiting room and invites me in.
I stand, taking a deep breath, and head inside, even though it feels like entering the unknown—and that’s something I don’t usually love doing.
I settle into a brown leather chair, and she sits opposite me. The modern aesthetic of her office gives uptight vibes, but when she talks, she doesn’t come across like that. She’s personable and friendly.
“So, how are things going today?” Lauren asks.
“I’m exhausted,” I tell her honestly. This is a question I can easily answer. “I had a TV interview this morning, then back to the store to do some work. I feel like my brain might explode.”
It’s good that she had me fill out an entire questionnaire before I started. I probably wrote things in there that I’ve already forgotten about, so it’s possible she knows more about my life than I do.
“How did the interview go? Were you anxious?”
“Not too bad. Though, since my relationship with Micah has gone public, people only want to ask me about him. It’s sort of annoying.”
“I can see that. Are you feeling like you’re losing your identity?”
There’s a pause, and she smiles when I don’t answer right away.
“I think that could be a future worry for me,” I explain. “The store is really the reason why I’m doing these interviews, but it’s like an afterthought. They all want to play the video, then talk about how the video led me to Micah.” I squirm in my seat. “One thing I thought of today was that it feels sort of…icky to use my relationship with Micah to sell my pet clothes. That’s not how I wanted it to be at all.”
Lauren nods like I’m giving her all the information in the world. “What does Micah say?”
I laugh. “He couldn’t care less. He wants our relationship to be as out there as much as possible.”
“So, if Micah doesn’t care and, in reality, people can make the decision to buy your product or not buy your product, do you think that these feelings you have are valid?”
I blink at her. She just totally pulled one of those psycho-doctor things on me. “People can make their own choices, but because people know me from that ridiculous video, my career and Micah are threaded together.”
“And you fear…” she prods, extending the word.
“I fear that I actually wouldn’t be as successful as I am currently if it weren’t for him. If it weren’t for the fact that I was on that show with him, or the fact that it’s getting out there that we’re dating.”
My breaths start to pick up, and the niggle of panic that blooms in my stomach rears its head. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Last session, she sent me paperwork that confirmed the diagnosis I already knew I had. Anxiety. Panic disorder.
Disorder makes it sound so…bad.
“Well, let’s dissect this. You and your business partner put out the video, right?”
“Yes.”
“And what happened?”
“Well, it went viral.”
“Then?”
“People started buying stuff from the store because Athena was in the video.”
Lauren smiles. “What I don’t want you to do is attribute your success to an outside force. You and your friend decided to put out the video.”
I’m not going to tell her that it was completely Tab’s idea.