Page 20 of Puck Love

“Emmett loves moose, almost as much as he lovesyou.”

“Fuck you,Van.”

“Oh, come on, buddy. Stella knows I’m justkidding.”

Emmett looks to me for conformation, and I nod. “Totally.”

“Come on, let’s go introduce Stella to Bullwinkle J. Moose,” Vansays.

“Bullwinkle is not code for your penis, is it?” I fold my arms and glare up at him. Van just laughs as he climbs the stairs, and I’m left wondering if he really has taken one too many pucks to thehead.

When he returns a few minutes later he’s decked out head to toe in hunting gear and carrying what looks like more of the same. He lobs the armful of fabric at me, and I catch it, though mostly I just get drowned in a puddle of waterproofclothing.

“What isthis?”

“Can’t hunt moose without blending into your surrounds.” Van takes a key from his pocket and opens a locked chest across the room that I assumed was housing cushions and throw rugs, but he pulls out a rifle and my blood turns as frosty as the weatheroutside.

“Hunt? I thought you said we were just going to introduceourselves?”

“Relax. We don’t ever shoot anything. It’s just forprotection.”

“Protection fromwhat?”

“Bears, cougars,wolves. . .”

“You forgot wolverines,” Emmettsays.

“So basically, everything then?” I swallowhard.

“Can’t forget the rabid puck bunnies,either.”

Emmett nods sagely. “Goodpoint.”

“Do I even want to know what theyare?”

“Probably not.” Emmett’s now decked out head to toe in camouflage, too. They both look ridiculous. I guess this hunting moose thing is happening whether I go or not, and the thought of sitting here alone twiddling my thumbs doesn’t really appeal, so I gather up the clothing that will no doubt make me, too, look like a lumberjack, and I head upstairs tochange.

The pants are far too big. So is the jacket. I feel ridiculous, but Van’s expression when I come down the stairs looking like a cammo marshmallow is sort of adorable, so I decide I may as well continue impersonating the Stay Puft man. We pile into the Hummer—with some difficulty, I might add—and Van reverses the beast. It really is a beast. I don’t understand why anyone needs a car this big, but for all its size, it does seem to navigate the side of the mountain far better than my stolen SUV. Which is no longer parked in a snow drift near Van’shouse.

“Did you move mycar?”

“Oh yeah. Tim came and towed it this morning. I’m surprised it didn’t wake you. It’s not easy to get a truck uphere.”

Well, that information would have been useful several hours ago. I could always ask Van to drop me somewhere but then I’ll be on a plane to wherever the hell Lana and my next show are scheduled to be. Right now, that’s the very last thing Iwant.

Twenty minutes into the drive, we pass a building that looks a little like Hogwarts nestled into the base of the mountain. It seems oddly familiar, but it isn’t until we pass it that I put two and two together. I recognize it from the sign on thehighway.

“Van, isn’t that the hotel I asked you to drive me toyesterday?”

“Er . . .”

I slap his arm. “Oh my god, you lied tome.”

“You don’t wanna stay there. Seriously, the second you check in everyone’s going to know aboutit.”

“I thought you said the only way to get there was over themountain.”

“It is, unless, of course, you take theroad.”