Page 76

This shouldn’t be so damn hard.

Why was love always so complicated?

Kamryn watched as Elia cleaned her cup and set it into the dishwasher, saying nothing as she worked. The sounds were so normalized, so mundane, and yet the entire conversation today had been about something so extreme. What if a little normalcy was all they needed to feel like they could make it through this?

Not on a whim, Kamryn rounded the couch and walked directly up to Elia. She said nothing as she took Elia by the hand and led her directly toward the stairs. Elia followed without resisting. As soon as they reached Elia’s bedroom, Kamryn turned around and set her eyes on Elia.

“We’ll figure it out tomorrow—at least start to,” Kamryn said. “If this is what you want.”

“Yes.” Elia nodded, but she also didn’t move to initiate. “Yes, this is what I want.”

Kamryn reached upward, sliding her fingers along the edge of Elia’s blouse, the V-neck not that low, but revealing small freckles and sunspots along Elia’s chest. Kamryn touched them lightly before dropping her hand to Elia’s hip and pushing her slightly so that she was between the bed and Kamryn.

“Are you sure?” Kamryn asked. With everything that had gone on, she needed to know that they were both okaywith doing this, that they were both aware of the potential consequences—perhaps for the first time fully aware of them. “Because I don’t want to do this if you’re not okay with it.”

“Kam…” Elia brushed her fingers across Kamryn’s lips. “You’re the only one I want to be with.”

A buzz filled Kamryn’s body, one that was full of something she wasn’t quite ready to name yet. She had to hope that her feelings for Elia weren’t clouding what she was doing. That she truly was hearing and seeing what had happened all those years ago with a clear and level head. Reaching for the edge of Elia’s shirt, Kamryn slid it over her head and dropped it to the floor.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kamryn murmured, tracing the curve of Elia’s body from her ribs to her waist to her hip with just the faintest of touches from her fingertips. “So strong. I never in a million years thought that this would happen when I took the job here.”

“Me either,” Elia answered.

Reaching behind Elia, Kamryn pinched the clasp of her bra and let it drop to the ground along with her shirt. Elia’s small nipples were already puckered and hard. Kamryn brushed them with the backs of her knuckles before leaving them alone. Everything she did, she did slowly, with reverence. She was going to hold every moment they had together tonight carefully.

“I didn’t want to let you leave this afternoon.” Kamryn pressed her cheek against Elia’s, speaking quietly into her ear before dropping kisses along her jawline. Elia’s skin was so warm and soft, beckoning Kamryn’s every touch and taste. “I wanted to keep you there, talk everything out with you. But you have a damn bad habit of walking away instead of sticking around sometimes.”

“Yeah, I do.” Elia’s voice was so breathy.

Kamryn scraped her teeth along the thick cord of muscle down Elia’s neck. She didn’t bite or make it hurt. With hertongue, she followed the line of Elia’s collarbone to her shoulder, placing a gentle nip there. Elia gasped, and she plunged her fingers into Kamryn’s hair, tugging on the strands and scraping her nails along Kamryn’s scalp.

“I wish you wouldn’t do that with me.” Kamryn pressed a kiss to the center of Elia’s chest. “I want you to stay and talk to me, not be afraid of my reaction.”

Elia let out a small noise in the back of her throat. She tilted her head back as she guided Kamryn’s mouth down her chest to her breast.

“I don’t want to half the time,” Elia admitted. “But old habits are hard to change, no matter how hard I try.” Pulling Kamryn upward, Elia melded their mouths together, taking control of the kiss.

Kamryn melted into her, holding on tightly to Elia’s back as she kept their bodies locked together. She skimmed her fingers down Elia’s back, across her hips, onto her ass, and she tugged Elia into her harder, increasing the energy of the moment into something they were far more used to.

“Don’t shut me out,” Kamryn begged, finding the zipper on the back of Elia’s skirt and pulling it down. “I don’t want you to shut me out.”

Elia pulled Kamryn back in, their tongues tangling as Elia took control of the kiss. Kamryn continued to slowly undress Elia, making all her clothes disappear to somewhere she didn’t care about. Kamryn was just about to push Elia back onto the bed when Elia’s fingers tugged at the fabric of her dress.

“Take it off,” Kamryn said. “I want to feel you against me.”

Elia pulled her hands upward, taking more and more fabric with her until she reached the edge. She didn’t wait as she pushed the dress up and over Kamryn’s head. Kamryn’s breath caught when she saw Elia’s gaze cascade down her body, from her lips to her chest to her hips and to right between her legs.

She’d always been a little self-conscious of her body, especially in the last ten years when she’d gained more weight than she thought she would during one of her breakups with Lauren. They’d never gotten back to sex like it had been before, and something in the back of Kamryn’s mind always told her it was because of that.

But something about the way Elia looked at her—hungrily—had made those thoughts vanish in an instant every time, and tonight was no different. Elia reached up, palming Kamryn’s breast and massaging before she followed the fabric of her bra to her back and pulled the material away from Kamryn’s body.

“Against me,” Elia murmured, as if in a trance.

That’s what Kamryn felt like anyway. Completely focused on Elia, her body, pleasure that they would create for each other, and nothing else. All the worries and fears vanished into the ether where they couldn’t be seen or heard anymore. And that was exactly where Kamryn wanted them to stay for now.

Kamryn stepped in closer, sliding one knee between Elia’s legs and pulling her in closer. She pressed their mouths together before stepping back. This wasn’t how she wanted this. Not yet anyway.

“Get on the bed.” Kamryn stepped away and bent down, using the edge of the mattress to hold herself up as she slid her finger into her heels and tugged them off. Unlike Elia, she hadn’t taken her shoes off as soon as she’d entered the house. While Elia sat on the bed and then moved into the center of it, Kamryn pulled off her underwear and then put her hands on her hips, looking Elia over.