Page 86 of My Big Fat Italian Break-Up

‘Well, not by me, you’re bloody not!’

I watched him, dumbstruck, trying to make sense of what he’d said. Did he think…?

‘I didn’t sleep with the guy, Julian!’

His eyes pierced mine. Relentlessly. ‘How do I know? Renata said you thought you might be pregnant.’

And that was when I realized that he really didn’t trust me anymore. In his eyes, I’d completely transformed into The Wicked Witch of the West, because nothing in my life would be the same anymore after my mistake, judging by the look on his face.

‘Jesus, Julian – you have to trust me!’

Julian stopped and slammed a powerful fist against his thigh, which must have hurt like hell. ‘Ididtrust you, and look where it got me – you’re expecting another bloke’s baby!’

I stared at him in pure horror at the thought. Which, admittedly, could have been mistaken for the horror of being caught out. Was this a comedy of errors, or what? What was wrong with him?

‘Julian, listen to me,’ I cried. ‘I’m not pregnant and I didn’t sleep with Alberto!’

But he turned with a snort. ‘And there was me, still trying to get over thatkiss, thinking I’d try to forgive you for that, while you –youwent the whole nine yards. What an idiot I am.’

‘Julian, stop. You’re completely off—’

‘Yeah?’ he demanded, grabbing my cellphone off the sink as if brandishing hard evidence.

He was certain he’d find a palimpsest of wild love texts in there. He really didn’t trust me, or know me at all, then.

‘Go on – I have no secrets from you,’ I challenged him.

‘We’ll see about that,’ he snapped, thumbing through my photos as if he knew exactly what he was looking for, and slammed it back onto the counter with a loud ‘There!’ before turning his back on me and striding out the door.

What the hell was he talking about? Had he gone off his rocker all of a sudden? I peered at the tiny screen and backed off in horror. There, in vivid colors, was Alberto’s smiling face, his arm wrapped around my neck under a sign that readVia dell’Amore.

After a few minutes, I heard Julian’s steps on the gravel, followed by the roar of his jeep as he took off. Forever, this time.

‘What the hell just happened?’ Renata poked her head in.

Just the person I wanted to kill.

‘You tell me. Why thehelldid you tell Julian I was pregnant?’

‘I was only trying to help. He didn’t look very happy with you lately. I thought that maybe if he thought you were expecting his baby—’

‘There is no baby!’ I boomed. ‘We haven’t slept together for forever and now he thinks I’m having some other guy’s kid!’

Her mouth fell open. ‘Oh, shit,’ she whispered. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry…’

She ventured a couple of steps further into my bedroom – the battlefield of my relationship. ‘What’s going on with you two, Erica?’ She waited. ‘Erica?’

I groaned. ‘Things… haven’t been going too well lately.’

‘That I can see. Why?’

I looked up and moved into the bedroom, where she patted the bed and sat me down. Could I actually come out and tell her about the mess that my life was lately, knowing that everyone back home thought I had it made?

‘Alberto – the chef in charge of my wedding dinner – kissed me. And I told Julian.’

‘No!’

‘Yeah, I know, but I had to. Julian and I promised never to have secrets.’