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“But I can see it in your face; you love him. He’s adorable with you. It’s clear he feels the same way.”

I wished for her confidence. I met her gaze. “I love Jimmy,” I admitted. Saying it aloud loosened something inside. My chest expanded and I breathed easier. “I love Jimmy,” I reiterated. Damn. Still felt good. “But we didn’t marry for love. I married him for his medical insurance. It’s only supposed to last a year.”

“I thought you had medical insurance. You told me you had a policy. I wouldn’t have dropped you from ours if you didn’t.”

I could hear the scold in her voice and rushed to defend myself. “I did. I do. But it’s a crappy policy. The deductible is high; too high for me to manage financially if something happens.” Her brown eyes watched me carefully as I cleared my throat and continued. “I had an episode not long after Jimmy and I met.”

“What kind of episode?” she asked carefully.

“An arrhythmia. The medication I needed was very expensive, and Jimmy offered to step in and help.”

"How are you feeling? Are you still taking the medication?”

She’d stopped to examine me, her dark eyes wrinkled in concern and a frown overtaking the usual uptilt to her lips.

“I’m fine, Mom.” I bit my lip. “I’m still taking the medication.” Technically, not a lie. Just not the full truth. With luck, I’d discontinue the meds next month. “Jimmy’s insurance has been a huge help.”

My mom’s expression was shrewd. “What did he get out of the deal?”

I shrugged. “Honestly? Not much. He wanted a wife to be more attractive to prospective home sellers. The housing market here is brutal. He said he would make a better candidate for promotion if his bosses thought he was settled and had a steady home life. He also wanted someone to come home to. I think he gets lonely.”

Mom’s smile was small, but it softened her face, deepening the fine lines around her eyes. “He’s a sweet boy. You can tell he needs people around. He saw a kindred spirit in you.”

“Well, his insurance was a financial lifesaver.” I looked at her to see how she was taking my news. She hadn’t disowned me or spit in the cookie dough, which I took as a good sign. I continued, “It was even more beneficial when I needed surgery.”

“You needed surgery? And you didn’t tell me?” her voice came out on a squawk and I winced.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t want to worry you and Dad.”

“Worry? You didn’t want toworryus? Do you even know what parenting is, Melly? It’s unending worry. From the moment you were conceived, we worried about you. We’ll worry about you until you’re dead or we are. It never stops. Did Melly get enough protein today, eating toast and mac and cheese? Will Melly ever learn to walk, or is she going to scoot around on her chubby diapered butt her entire life? Will Melly find a job she enjoys? Will Melly find someone nice to make a life with who will treat her right? We always worry. You don’t save us from worry by excluding us from your life.”

I held my hands up, covered in sugar grit. “I’m sorry. I’msorry. I know you worry. I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“Didn’t want to make it worse? Like ‘your only daughter not telling you important news’ worse? Like ‘your only daughter could have died in a hospital without her family’ worse?”

Her eyes glistened. While I had a right to my own life, this was something I should have shared. “The surgery was a minor procedure, and successful. I’m fine now. I’m sorry, Mom.”

“And you’ll remember to tell us the important things? Just because we don’t live nearby doesn’t mean we don’t care and want to know. We want to be able to tell you we love and support you, even if there’s nothing we can do about it.”

I’d been approaching my relationship with my parents like a kid, not an adult. Just because I wanted to solve my own problems, didn’t mean I couldn’t tell them about them. I had to trust them not to take over. Their reaction to Jimmy, to my surgery, showed they were ready for the new phase of our relationship.

“I didn’t want to worry you. I’ll do better next time.”

It was her turn to hold her hands up. “Someday, maybe you’ll understand. For now, take my word for it. I’m worrying no matter what.”

I moved in for a quick hug, sugar hands and all. “I love you, Mom.”

She smiled as I pulled back, “Yeah, you do. And we love you too. How about that big, handsome husband of yours? Does he know he’s loved?”

I shrugged, unsure what to say. “It’s only supposed to be for a year. Now that I’m better, I’m not sure how to tell him.” I laughed without humor. “I told him I needed my independence. He doesn’t think I need him.”

“Independence means you want the freedom to choose. It doesn’t mean you have to choose to be alone.”

Her words struck me hard. Jimmy respected my choices. Even when he didn’t agree with them. I’d been worrying he impacted my decisions. And he did. But was it a bad thing? My choices had brought me to him. To our life together. I could choose a version of independence where I was alone. But would I be happier? Having one dream didn’t mean I couldn’t have more. I could work toward growing my business and having a life outside it. I had the freedom to choose. Loving Jimmy didn’t change that; it didn’t change me. Yes, some of my choices might be driven by my desire for him, but they were my desires. Was it really freedom to avoid something I desperately wanted out of fear?

“Melly, most people don’t read silence well. You’ve got to tell the ones you love that you love them. Doubt and confusion are not your friend. They amplify in the dark and tell you lies.”

Doubt and confusion were definitely not my friends. Then why did I hang out with them so often? I loved Jimmy but doubted he felt the same for me. I was confused by his motives for marrying me, and even more confused by his motives for staying married. Maybe it was time to ask. Maybe it was time to tell him. I could keep stumbling in the dark, or flip on the light and see clearly. We were married. It was more than time for clarity. But could my heart take it if I didn’t get the answers I wanted? It was time to find out.