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I was nervous about being at his shoulder while he was shooting. The bangs around us were intense, and the bullet casings flying around after each shot startled me. I didn’t want to be that close. I nodded and moved back to settle on the stool.

I watched as Jimmy’s strong hands reassembled his gun with a full clip. He assumed his shooting stance and fired into the target. I tried not to jump at each report. Jimmy was unfazed, intent on watching each shot. When he finished his clip, he pushed the button to bring the target back, and I got up to look at it with him. He’d punctured a tight grouping of shots in the areas he’d targeted. He was skilled. Of course, he was. It was his job. I stared down at the gun on the table.

“Would you like to try?”

I swallowed and nodded. Once. I could try this once. He smiled and stapled a fresh target to the cardboard before sending it out fifteen feet. He stood with me and reviewed the things we’d practiced before loading one bullet in the clip and stepping back. “Now, you try. I’ll be right here. Just always keep the gun pointed down range.”

I nodded. I could do this. Slowly, I reached for Jimmy’s gun, gripping it in my right hand how he’d shown me. With my left hand, I loaded the clip, then pulled back the slide to load the bullet in the chamber. I applied my left hand to the other side of the grip, laying my thumbs next to each other.

“Good,” he said at my shoulder. “Now, remember the stance. Feet out, knees bent, butt out.”

He tapped my feet farther apart as I got into position, widening my base. “Now, your right hand needs to be higher up for support. When you’re ready, put your finger on the trigger and press. Don’t squeeze, don’t pull, press. It takes very little pressure.”

Was I ready? No. Not really. But I wanted to do this. Once. Jimmy had to be prepared to shoot. With real targets. I could hit a piece of paper. Without making a mistake. I shivered. The thought of Jimmy in a real-life situation sent another tremor through my frame. The calm, orderly gun range was nothing like reality. Outside these doors, when people used guns, they got hurt. Badly. Accidents or intentional, the threat of damage was concrete. Every day the news was full of stories. I never imagined myself touching a gun, much less firing one. I took a deep breath and brought my hands up to my body as he’d shown me, then extended my arms and sighted the center mass of the target. My finger wasn’t on the trigger yet, and I was already shaking.

“Breathe, Melena. It’ll be fine. Inhale, exhale, then press when you’re ready.”

I let the air expand my lungs before exhaling slowly. I slipped my finger over the trigger.Here goes nothing.With a press, I could see the puff of powder and heard the thunder of the shot. A dot appeared on the target. At least I’d hit it. It was high and to the left of where I had been sighting, but I’d hit the target.And, I was done. I set the gun on the table and stepped back.

Jimmy smiled with approval. “You did it. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? Let’s look at your shot.”

He brought the target in and smiled at me as he showed me my hit. He was proud. I was terrified. That hadn’t been terrible. I could hit what I aimed at. But it was loud. And messy. And that was in a fully controlled environment. I tried to imagine using a gun in a real situation, and I couldn’t. I still trembled from the adrenaline, and my heart started to race. Jimmy faced danger every day. Not just as a firefighter, but as a potential target if he moved into arson investigation. What if an arsonist figured out where we lived? I shivered and my trembling intensified.

Jimmy was called into all kinds of emergencies as a first responder. He had to stay calm and push through any fear. I couldn’t face my fear of guns for five minutes. His job put him in danger all the time. This was nothing by comparison. I could lose him. My knees started to shake, and the range swam in front of me.

“Melena? Melena!”

Jimmy’s shouts grew increasingly frantic, but I couldn’t respond. A shot rang out nearby as my knees collapsed and I fell toward the floor. His strong hands caught my shoulders as I pitched forward.

“Melena!” Jimmy called again as I lost consciousness.

***

Icame to and saw ahazy Jimmy pacing nearby. He was muttered to himself, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“Jimmy?”

He flipped around and rushed to my side, gripping my hand. I was horizontal, but not lying on the floor. Hospital bed maybe?

“What happened?”

“Melena, I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?”

“We were at the range, and you collapsed. We’re at Tacoma General now. They’ve paged for Dr. Webb. I was scared. I’m sorry. I never should have taken you today. It was stupid.”

I was shaky, but the world was becoming clearer, and as I focused, I could see worry in Jimmy’s expression. His grip on my hand had tightened with every word, as if he could keep me with him if he pressed hard enough.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“No, you’renot. Your heart and my heart can’t take that kind of scare. Your medication is not equal to the challenge that is you.”

I chuckled weakly. “What can I say? I’m a badass.”

“Well, badass, you’ve gotten out of ever going to the range again.”

“They scared to let me back?”