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“No, I get it. I’ll clear out for a while and give you some time to rest.”

A few minutes later he had grabbed his gym bag and wished me goodbye. I shifted listlessly on the couch. My honesty had hurt his feelings. All I’d wanted was to help. He needed a break. Everything I did ramped up his tension instead of relieving it. As partnerships went, my attempts to support him were a bust. When did our marriage become another thing I didn’t want to fail at? I took a shaky breath and blew it out. Jimmy would forgive me. He was generous like that. But I’d replay my thoughtless words over and over until I could make it up to him.

Calling my clients to reschedule was painful. But not as difficult as rescheduling eight weeks’ worth, I tried to console myself. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my surgery or why I was rescheduling, but I had to let each person know I wasn’t flaking on them. They trusted me with their stress and pain and relied on me to help them manage. That meant regular appointments. Most were sympathetic and understanding, but I referred one older woman who didn’t want to wait to Lisa.

I stared around the living room. Boxes were still piled to one side. We’d set up the TV and couch, but that was it. I fought the temptation to unpack more. How upset would Jimmy be? Instead, I flipped through suggestions for shows to stream and settled into a movie. See. I could follow doctor’s orders. But I couldn’t tactfully tell my new husband to go blow off steam. I’d hurt him. I rubbed over my heart. It was aching for different reasons now. Resolve washed away the regret. I’d make it up to him. Somehow.



















Chapter 16

Jimmy – Stress Reps

Itexted Chase to meetme at the gym. He probably needed the workout, and I needed the company. Melena was right. I hovered. I couldn’t help it. She’d collapsed in front of me. Again. And it always seemed to be my fault. I wanted to be the source of her happiness, not her health scares.

I’d already reached out to my commander about getting the time off for Melena’s surgery and recovery. There was no way in hell I’d be able to focus on work with Dr. Webb manipulating her heart. I was a mess. Melena had been right to kick me out of the house until I could get my shit together. At the range, I’d panicked. Not a proud moment. I’d fallen to my knees beside her when she collapsed. She couldn’t hear me begging her to come back to consciousness, but one of the other shooters had. It’d been him that called the paramedics. Hotshot firefighter couldn’t pull it together for his own wife. I hung my head and took a breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Loss was part of life. I’d had it drilled into me time and time again, call after call. But the thought of losing her was terrifying. She’d become part of my happiness. The cream to my coffee. The Princess Peach to my Mario. The oxygen to my fire. The beat to my heart. Chase would give me no end of shit if I admitted as much to him. A month ago, she was the yoga hottie at the gym. Melena had so quickly become more.

My hands trembled on the steering wheel as I pulled up to the gym and parked. They were every bit as shaky as they’d been when I was following the ambulance. With a clearer head, I wouldn’t have let myself drive. With a clearer head, it wouldn’t have been an issue.

I was getting used to sharing the small moments with her. A shared smile as we brushed our teeth in the morning. Her watching as I puttered around the kitchen. I wanted more of those moments. Maybe a lifetime of those moments.

I pushed into the gym, scanned my card, and went to the locker room to change. My mom’s rules ran deep; even in times of crisis, I didn’t leave the house in less than my best. I changed into my workout gear and was glad to see Chase moving toward one of the treadmills near the back.

“Hey,” I said.

He glanced at me. “Hey. You okay? Isn’t today range day?”

I blew out a breath. “Yeah. Don’t remind me.”

“What happened?”

“I took Melena to the range this morning, and it didn’t go well.”

“What do you mean, was she scared? Everything okay?”

“She’s not the scared one. That honor belongs to me. She collapsed at the range. After I forced her to shoot.”

Chase glanced over from his treadmill. “What do you mean, you forced her to shoot? That doesn’t sound like you.”