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“Sorry, I must be tired from the jet lag still.” On shaky legs, I stood up and walked to the table. “What are you guys doing?” I asked, pulling out a seat and sitting down.

“What does it look like, Einstein?” Tyler asked, pushing a dull needled through a popcorn kernel.

“Ha ha.” Pulling a bowl towards me, I grabbed a handful and started munching on it.

Slapping my hand, my mother gave me an angry look. “No more, this is for the tree.”

“Man, I haven't done this in ages.” Reaching out, I picked up the end of Jax's strand. “You did a lot already.”

“You would have had the chance to if you ever came home for Christmas after you moved.” My mother didn't look at me as she said it, simply stringing popcorn with a serious expression on her face.

Another jab.

“Can I help?” I asked, looking around the table.

“Of course you can.” Passing me a bowl, my mother cut me a long piece of thread and handed me a needle. “You were always the one who insisted we do this every year.”

“Yeah, this was always your fault.” my brother winked at me, giving me a little grin.

“Don't you start, this is supposed to be fun.”

“Grandma,” Max said, his eyes extremely serious for a kid his age. “You're his mother, why don't you just ground him like Mom does to us?”

Everyone at the table busted out in laughter as Max and Jax sat there completely oblivious to why it was funny.

“What? Why is that funny? I'm right, she is his mom.”

My father tugged him in for a hug, ruffling his hair. “You are right, Max, but it doesn't really work that way when you become an adult.”

“I want to be an adult then.”

“No you don't. Trust me, being an adult is no fun.” Patting his back, my father laughed.

And as I sat there, just watching my family, the different generations of us all stringing popcorn until our fingers were red and there was no more thread, I realized how much I had been missing out on.

I missed my nephews and watching them grow up. I missed my brother and the relationship we could have had if I had stuck around a little bit longer.

Yes, Tyler moved away too, but not until last year, and that was only because his job transferred him.

But he still took the time to come and visit twice a year, once in the summer and once at Christmas. I had made no effort at all.

I ran from this town because of Yuri.

And that caused me to run from my family.

I was a fucking idiot.