Page 167

She started away. I looked out at the ocean. The heavier cloud cover was making its way toward shore and the wind had grown in intensity, lifting the whitecaps. For a few moments the monotonous way in which the ocean waves slapped the rocks hypnotized me. Terns screamed. I tried to shrink into that small hiding place in my brain where I could feel safe and unafraid, but that place felt like a cage.

I hate Cape Cod, I thought. I hate being here another moment. I rose quickly, but I walked slowly, pensively toward the front of the house. When I looked back, I thought I saw a curtain part and Grandma Olivia gaze out, but the sun dipped behind one of those heavy oncoming clouds, and the shadows that fell over the house darkened the window and, like black magic, changed it into a mirror.

When I reached the highway, I didn't turn toward town. For a long time, I just walked, feeling mesmerized. Cars and trucks whizzed by, but this time their closeness, the breeze in their wake, the loud horns that blared--none of them bothered me.

My daddy wasn't really my daddy. He could be anyone. Is that what Grandma Olivia had said, with spite? How could Mommy have left me drifting in such a hellish place? She really was selfish. I didn't want to believe the terrible things Grandma Olivia had said about her, but in my deepest soul I knew it all made sense. If I honestly faced up to what and who Mommy was now, I would have no trouble believing who and what she was back then. But to make such a disgusting claim, to blame my grandfather for my existence. . . I almost sided with Grandma Olivia and Uncle Jacob.

I don't know how long I walked or how far I actually had gone before I heard a continuous horn blaring and turned to see Cary in his father's pickup. He pulled to the side of the road behind me and hopped out.

"Where are you going? I've been crazy with worry. Everyone has, even Grandma Olivia."

"She told me the truth, Cary," I said.

The sky had become almost completely overcast. The wind was even stronger and the temperature felt as if it had dropped a dozen degrees. I had been shivering without even realizing it. Cary quickly peeled off his jacket and put it around my shoulders.

"Come home," he said.

I shook my head and backed away from him. "That's not my home, Cary. Your father is not my uncle and your mother is not my aunt."

"What are you saying?" he asked, a confused, half-silly grin on his face.

"Just that. My daddy was. . my daddy--"

"What?"

"He wasn't my daddy. Mommy was pregnant with me by someone else and she accused--" I had to swallow first before I could continue. "She accused Grandpa Samuel. Daddy believed her and that's why they stopped talking to him. Your father and--my--" It suddenly occurred to me who he was. "My stepfather had a fistfight on the beach and never spoke to each other again. You didn't know that?"

I saw from the expression on his face that he knew something.

"I knew that they'd had a fight, but I never knew why," he admitted.

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I didn't want you to hate us and leav

e," he confessed.

"Well, that's what I'm doing. I'm leaving this place." I turned and started away. He caught up and took me by the elbow.

"Stop. You can't just walk down this highway."

"And why not? I've got to go home," I said. "I've got to see Mama Arlene and Papa George."

"You're going to walk back to West Virginia?"

"I'll hitchhike," I said. "I'll beg rides. I'll do chores to get people to give me lifts or money for bus tickets. But I'll get home. Somehow, I'll get there," I said, my eyes seeing him, but looking beyond and seeing the old trailer house, Mama Arlene waving goodbye, Papa George smiling at me from his bed, and Daddy's grave, the tombstone I had hugged with all my heart before I was forced to leave. "Somehow," I muttered.

"Won't you come home and get your things first? Have a good meal?"

"I don't want to eat and I don't care about those things," I said. "Tell Aunt Sara I'll send this dress back first chance I get," I added and started walking again.

"Wait a minute, Melody. You can't do this."

I kept walking.

"Melody!"

"I'm going, Cary. Not you, not anyone can stop me," I said, full of defiance and anger. I walked and he was silent for a few moments. Then he caught up and walked alongside me. "Why are you doing this, Cary? You can't stop me."