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"I don't want any dinner. I don't want anything from you," I said through clenched teeth.

Uncle Jacob reddened. Cary's mouth fell open and Aunt Sara gasped.

"I don't want anything from this. . this horrible family." I ran from the living room.

"See!" Uncle Jacob cried after me as I started up the stairs. "And you thought she was like Laura. That's Hailles daughter."

I stopped abruptly and turned, glaring down at him.

"What's wrong with being Haille's daughter? Why do you always say that? What did she ever do to you?" I demanded.

He looked at Aunt Sara and then at me. "She didn't do anything to me. What she did, she did to herself and to Chester."

"What? What?" I screamed.

"Go up to your room until you calm down," he said, visibly shaken. I didn't move. What was it Mommy kept saying: he would never throw me out? How did she know? What made her so sure? Every time I uncovered one secret, there were ten more bundled beneath it, I thought. "Go on," he ordered.

"I'll go where I like when I like," I said defiantly. My boldness surprised us both and left him stuttering for the right words. I trembled, but tried to look calm so I could continue to face him.

"Ah, suit yourself," he finally said. "I'll have none of it. You wanted her here, you put up with her," he told Aunt Sara. Then he waved his hand as if chasing flies and marched through the house. Cary stared up at me, a stunned look on his face.

"Oh dear. Oh dear, dear," Aunt Sara mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Aunt Sara," I said. I took a deep breath. "I have to rest for a little while."

She looked up at me sadly and shook her head. "It was all going so well, wasn't it, Cary?"

"Let her be," he said and followed after Uncle Jacob.

I turned and continued up the stairs to my room. Behind the closed door, I let my tears of sorrow, tears of fear, and tears of loneliness flow freely.

I was on my stomach on the bed so I didn't hear May knock and then come in to see me. I felt her little hand on my shoulder and turned sharply. She looked as if she was about to cry because I was crying.

"What's wrong?" she signed.

I smiled through my tears. "I'm all right," I told her. "I'll be all right."

Then I sat up and hugged her, clung to her as tightly as I would cling to a life raft in a sea storming with turmoil.

13

Angry at Them All

.

Mainly because I didn't want May to be upset

any more than she was, I went down to dinner. I had no appetite. The heavy atmosphere of the night before was nothing compared to the cemetery stillness that pervaded the dining room tonight. It was so quiet I could hear Uncle Jacob crunching his food between his back teeth, and Aunt Sara's little whimpers between her bites and swallows. The tapping of silverware, clanking of dishes, and pouring of water created the most noise. Everyone spoke in

monosyllables or short sentences whenever he or she spoke.

"Bread, Jacob?"

He grunted yes.

"Would you like more chicken, Cary?" "No, Ma."

Cary watched my every move. I ate like a bird,