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He rose and went to one of the chests. He opened it, dipped his hand into it, and came up with a pink silk scarf. "She liked wearing this around her neck when she sailed. I found it floating in the water."

"Why didn't you show your mother?"

"I wanted to keep the hope alive, and then I felt so guilty about not showing it, I never told. It doesn't matter any more. She's accepted the grave. Laura's gone."

I felt the hot tears streaming down my cheeks.

"You're the first person who I thought would understand," he said. He gazed at the scarf and then brought it to me. "I want you to have this."

"Oh no, I couldn't."

"Please, take it and wear it," he said. He pushed it into my hands.

"Thank you," I said softly. "I'll take good care of it."

"I know." He raised his head and our eyes locked. The depths of his pain made me forget my own.

We heard Uncle Jacob coming up the stairs below. He paused at the attic stairway and then he plodded on to his bedroom and closed the door.

"I'd better go down," I said.

He nodded.

"I'm going to see Grandma tomorrow," I told him. If he could trust me with his deepest secrets, I could trust him, I thought.

"Why?"

"To get her to tell me everything. I'm going after school."

"Do you want me to be there too?"

"No. I've got to speak to her myself. But thanks."

"Remember, her bark's worse than her bite."

"Good night, Cary. Thanks for showing me yourmodels."

He smiled and then abruptly, awkwardly, he planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Careful going down," he said as I lowered myself on the ladder. After I reached the bottom, I looked up at him.

"Good night," I said.

"Good night."

He lifted the ladder as if he wanted to lose all contact with the world below and then he closed his attic door and shut himself up with his memories and his own voices.

Clutching Laura's silk scarf in my hand, I went into her room and prepared for my own dreams, filled with my own memories and voices.

We were alike, Cary and I, haunted by lies and sadness, two sailboats drifting, looking for a friendly wind.

16

Daddy Who?

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Although Cary had been suspended from