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Chapter thirty-six

Theá

“C’mon,wecanheadback, you don’t have to relive—”

“It looks like nothing happened,” I say, my shock and fear turning to anger. “It’s been thirteen years, and they’re just acting as if nothing happened.”

I can’t even process Antonio’s arms around me or the way my cheeks feel moist from my tears. It’s only when Antonio forces me to look away by pulling me into his chest that I notice how much I’m shaking and audibly sobbing.

“We’re heading back,” he says reassuringly, and the next thing I know, my legs are wrapped around his waist and he's carrying me to a nearby cab.

“She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone.”

“Theá, shhh, it’s okay. I’m here,” I hear him say, but his voice is like white noise against the thoughts raging in my head.

“Theá, I need you to never live like me; never live in fear, never live for anyone else. I need you to live for yourself. You only get one chance in this life, and if you live for anyone else, you’ll spend every second of your incredibly short life unhappy. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. An unconditional love, a love that’s real. One that’s not forced. One that feels completely and utterly natural.”

Antonio. It’s natural. It’s completely and utterly natural.

I pull my head back and stare into his startled, green eyes. Hands cupping his face, I pull him until his lips are against mine. That’s the moment I confirm every suspicion I’ve ever had.

There’s no spark between us. There never was. There’s a warmth, the kind of warmth you feel when you’re coming home after a long trip. It’s the feeling of a familiar hello. It’s natural.

“Woah, woah. We can’t go from crying to kissing and pretending like nothing happened,tesoro.”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one, I want to make sure you’re okay.” His eyes are now scanning my face in alarm, as if he’s searching for the sudden change in face and my features will somehow deliver him all the answers.

“I just realised something.”

“What?”

“This is natural. You’re completely and utterly natural,” I say, and for the second time tonight, he’s staring at me like I’ve lost the plot. I think I have in most areas, but not this one.

Due to our position, I’m now left sitting in his lap at the back of the cab. The driver must be so confused. I shift, ready to get off, but his large hands hold me firmly in place.

“No, you stay here. Now how about we start at the beginning.”

“Once upon a time…”

“Theresa, this isn’t the time for jokes.” He looks up at me, and I can see there are no traces of humour. It’s just me and him and a world full of concern, clouding those pretty eyes.

I take a deep breath and try to compartmentalise my emotions. To try and somehow decipher how I’m feeling when in reality, I don’t even know how to feel.

“Don’t think, just speak. We’ll make sense of it later.”

“My mom and dad were forced into their marriage a bit like we were. She was pregnant with Pierre, and her father forced them to get married to prevent a scandal. They were in love from the start, but as time went on, the fact that they were forced and my father’s commitment issues led to him spending more and more time away from home. For a while, I bought the story of business trips until I overheard my mother crying about the cheating and gambling. Just after Noelle’s birthday, a guy showed up at our house and demanded payment. He was part of the cartel, and on one of my fathers ‘business trips,’ he got into some pretty big debt with them. When my father couldn’t pay up, the man wanted my mother. We all came to Paris on what I originally thought was a holiday, but just turned out to be my father’s poor attempt at dealing with his debt. It didn’t go well, and my mom refused to leave my father, naturally. But the man was insistent that either she left my father and stayed in Paris with him, or my dad needed to pay him the money. I don’t know if it was love that made my parents ignorant to the man’s threats, but one day, while my siblings and I were taking pictures in front of the tower, we heard it: her scream, followed by the gunshots. By the time we made it back to the restaurant, my father was already outside, standing over the man’s dead body. The man who took my mother’s life. I could cover my sister’s eyes, but we all heard her screams as she took her last breaths. I had nightmares for so many years because I could still hear her screaming. I mean fuck, for years, Noelle and I had to share a bed just to be able to sleep. The next day, my father sent us to stay with my uncle Mattheo, and the following month, we officially moved to Marseille. The rest is history."

“So he went from owing the cartel money to being the leader?”

“Apparently so. It was a dark time, and I don’t remember all too much. But Pierre tells stories of my father in a love-fuelled rage, killing off members until there was no one left but him.”

“Wow, Theá, I’m so sorry. No thirteen-year-old should’ve gone through that.”

“It’s why the wedding was so hard on me. It felt like I was destined to relive her fate.” I shudder.

“Do you still feel that way?” His brows furrow as it finally dawns on him just how deeply this all runs.