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And then I discretely slip the grapefruit over his cock, and he’s immediately tense. “WHOA, WHOA,WHOA, what the fuck is that? There’s something sharp.”

I’m like, smiling, no, not really, I have a dick in my mouth. I do mumble while spitting a seed out, “Uh, my hand?”

Shit. I should have remembered to get the seeds out.

“Yeah, no, it’snot.” Off comes the blindfold and I’m caught, wide-eyed, mouth full of tartness and the head of his cock. “What the fuck are you doing with a goddamn grapefruit?”

Uh, I’m in trouble.

My mouth pops off with an exaggerated noise. Sounds like I just pulled a sucker out of my mouth. Our eyes meet. I offer a not so convincing smile. “Oh relax. You’re getting head. Does it really matter what the grapefruit is for?”

He wants to argue with me, but he sighs and shakes his head taking the blindfold and throwing it on the floor. “Fine, but no blindfold. I don’t trust you.”

“Why not?” I move the grapefruit again, up and then twist. “I let you blindfold me.”

“I wasn’t trying to fuck you with fruit.” Ridge draws in a sharp breath, his back straightening. He scowls at me. “There’s something sharp.”

I pull it off, the weirdest sucking sound coming from the grapefruit in the process only to find a forgotten a seed. “Oh, there’s a seed.” I pick it out and toss it aside.

He rolls his eyes, his head flopping back against the pillow. “Oh, just aseed. I don’t want to do this.”

“Oh, stop. It’ll be fun.” I pause, trying to keep my smile at bay. “ButI should warn you. The Internet said there might be a slight burning sensation the first time you pee after this.”

Both of his hands shoot to mine as he tries to yank the grapefruit off.

I stop him. “Don’t worry.”

“Hellno. I’ve never had the desire to find out what an STD feels like. We’re not doing this.”

“You haven’t had an STD before?”

I’m teasing, but again, he glares.

Before he can argue anymore, down I go.

After that, I try to do as Auntie Angel told me in the video and suck his shaft while twisting and turning and making a growling sound. Can we just pause here for a moment? Can we agree that the word shaft rates up there with moist and wanton?

Thank you. I’ll continue.

So while I’m simultaneously working the grapefruit up and down and mimicking the sound of a vacuum cleaner, Ridge says absolutely nothing in the way of words. He can’t stop laughing, though I’d like to add, his dick is hard as a rock, so I know his skeptical ass is enjoying this.

Let me tell you something else. It’s not as easy as she made it seem on the video, and I keep thinking maybe I should have just opted for the exploding mouth of whip cream because at least that would have tasted better.

But I’m not a quitter. I keep bobbing my head, sucking, gagging—because it’s bitter as fuck—and making that growling sucking noise the chick said to do.

After ten minutes, my hand’s tire, my arm hurts, Ridge is laughing so hard he can’t breathe at times and saying things like, “Luke, I am your father,” and I give up. I fucking give up and am near tears. Not because I’m emotional. I actually got some of the grapefruit juice in my eyes.

It’s not my thing and is too complicated trying to remember to twist and suck and not choke.

“That’s not even the correct line. So many people fuck it up.” I pause and run the back of my hand over my mouth. “Darth Vader actually says: No, I am your father. If you’re going to quote Darth Vader, get it right.”

“Fine. Got me on that one, but inA New Hopehe says, ‘I have you now.’”

“And that means?”

He smiles. “I think you know.”

As I’m wiping off my face with the blindfold he ripped off because I just hoovered a tart dong and I’m drooling, Ridge still can’t stop laughing. He utters the word—get ready to throw up— “It felt. . .fleshy.”