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"Boswell Community College?"

"He's head of their English department," Randall said. He shrugged again. "Just trying to be helpful."

"Mr. MacWaine doesn't know you were looking into him, does he?"

"No, I was able to look up the information without his knowing. Don't worry about that."

"I can't believe you did all this."

"It was nothing, easy:' he said.

I put the note in my pocket and gazed at the bridge. It hadn't rained although it still might, yet people didn't seem concerned as they walked along.

"Want to go into the Gardens?" Randall asked. "It's still early."

"No. I'm tired," I said. "I feel like I've been running and running for miles. I just want to go home:'

"Okay," he said and we located the nearest tube station.

After we reached Endfield Place and parted, I went into the house quickly and then straight to my room. When I opened the door, I found a letter had been slipped under it. It was addressed to me and it had come from Germany. Roy had written, finally.

I turned it over and studied the envelope. It looked like it had been opened and then resealed, I thought. It just infuriated me that my mail had been read. However, at the moment I was more interested in what was inside the envelope, so I sat on my bed and slowly opened it.

Dear Rain,

When I got your letter I kept it all closed up until I was ready for bed. Just seeing your

handwriting put your face in my eyes. I read your letter over and over Some of my buddies probably thought I was trying to memorize something important. Anyway. I'm glad you got to where you wanted and life there ain't so bad, I bet you already made loads of new friends and you're a big success in the school.

I plan on taking my first leave real soon and now that I know exactly where you're at, I'll be dropping by to see you. I hope you want to see me at least half as bad as I want to see you. I have your picture hanging by my bed. When anyone asks about you, I tell them you're my girl. I hope you don't mind that. You are my girl. You always were and you know it. Sometimes, I just lay back and remember and think about you growing up, especially the way you turned those eyes on me.

Of course, I remember one special afternoon when I told you what you really meant to me and, well, I can't even write it, but you know the afternoon I mean. Jeeze, I can't believe I wrote this much. It's probably more than I wrote all the time I was in school. I can see you smiling and laughing about that as you read this.

I don't want to keep saying the same things so I'll just sign off with love and hope you will keep a little room in your heart for me.

I was about to sign my name and seal it up, but I stopped and just thought about Mama and you and Beni and how all those days back then run together in my head. I miss them. If it weren't for you, I guess I'd feel about as alone as anyone could. I wanted you to know.

I'm running off at the mouth.

Bye.

Love.

See ya, Roy

I folded the letter up carefully and put it back into the envelope. Then I lay there with it beside me and thought about Roy and Mama and Bend, too. My eyes flooded with tears. I wanted to see Roy so much, but I knew he was hoping I would tell him I loved him the way he loved me, and I was so c

onfused about that. For too long a time, he was my big brother. It wasn't easy to just stop thinking of him that way. I had tried to explain that to him, but he had refused to accept it. There was no one in the world I dreaded hurting more than I dreaded hurting Roy. I suppose I had been hoping that he would have found someone else by now and the problem would solve itself, but that obviously had not happened.

How strange it was, I thought, that there were people I wanted to love but couldn't and there were people who loved me and shouldn't. Fate was teasing me, dangling me in front of all these mirrors so that as I twirled slowly, I could see myself struggling at every turn. When would it end? When would I stop spinning?

I must have fallen asleep because of sheer emotional exhaustion. Suddenly, I felt my body twitch and I opened my eyes to darkness. For a moment I was confused about the time and the day. Then I glanced at the clock and popped up like a jack-in-thebox. I had slept right through supper. How could that happen? Why hadn't Boggs come banging on my door? I had it locked now, but he still could have knocked until he woke me. He certainly wasn't bashful. Maybe he just wanted to have me do badly so that the Endfields would get rid of me.

I turned on my lamp and quickly straightened my hair and my clothes. Then I went to the bathroom, threw cold water on my face and hurried down the corridor to the kitchen to make my apologies. By the time I got there, the dishes had been cleaned up and everything was put away. Mrs. Chester and Mary Margaret were gone and the dining room was empty, the table set for breakfast. It was almost as if there hadn't been anyone here for dinner after all

Now, very confused, I stepped out in the hallway and listened hard. Except for the usual creaks and moans in the house, I heard nothing, no footsteps, no voices, nothing. Slowly, I walked down the corridor and peered into the billiards room, the office and then the drawing room. They were all empty. There was only a small lamp lit in the drawing room. All the other rooms were dark. I listened again, heard nothing and returned to the kitchen.

Realizing I was a little hungry, I made myself some tea and had a crumpet with marmalade. As I ate, I expected to see Mr. Boggs come bursting in at any moment to chastise me for sleeping through my supper duties, but for once he didn't appear. I cleaned up and listened again to the silence in the house before starting back to my room.