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“You know how to set the mood, don’t ya?” I tease, trying not to laugh as a string of cheese stretches between us like some weird edible tether.
“I know, right?” Jaxon lifts his head from my lap, grinning. “I’m impressing myself right now.” His hair’s all messed up from the pillows, and the way he looks at me—if there was a manual for ‘guy about to make a move,’ his face would be the cover.
I close my eyes for a second and let the sky soak in. It’s this ridiculous swirl of purple and pink and orange, like some kid went nuts with sidewalk chalk up there. I snuggle closer, feeling his hand drift to my waist, thumb tracing lazy circles on my skin.Subtle, but not that subtle. The kind of touch that says, “I want you right now,” but with a side of “I’m pretending to be chill.”
“This is so romantic,” I say, partly because it is and partly to see that soft look in his eyes. He doesn’t disappoint.
“It’s all for you, baby.” There’s that word again. Baby. He says it like a dare, like he knows it’ll make my heart race and my brain short-circuit.
Funny how the beginning of love feels—your stomach does flips, your brain plays highlight reels of every awkward, adorable thing they’ve ever done. I keep thinking about him stealing my string cheese in eighth grade, acting like he was too cool to care, and me actually thinking it was flirty. We spent so much time growing up and apart and pretending we didn’t want what we wanted. When we broke up, I thought maybe I’d find peace in the empty spaces he left. Turns out, those spaces just made room for missing him.
But this—this is new. It’s not messy or weird. It’s not some secret, back-and-forth thing that leaves me wondering if I’m just filling time until someone better comes along. This feels like he’s actually here, with all his beautiful sincerity. Like maybe we both finally get what we want.
He kisses my temple, and his voice gets all gravelly and real. “I should have done something like this for you months ago.” He pauses, takes a breath. “I don’t know if I’ll ever have my shit together, Cam.” His lips press against my skin again, fingers still tracing gentle circles that make it hard to focus. “But I’m trying. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”
“I know you are,” I whisper.
“It doesn’t make it okay,” he says, and his eyes look haunted in the fading light.
“No, it doesn’t, but how can we move on if we don’t forgive each other for past mistakes?” My hand finds his face, tucking astray piece of hair behind his ear, and his eyes flutter closed like he’s memorizing the feeling.
He snorts, his smile pulling up, even if his eyes are still sad. “When have you made mistakes?”
I roll my eyes. “I’ve made mistakes. I trusted Brynn when I shouldn’t have.”
His voice softens, wary. “Did she apologize?”
“She did.”
He nods, quiet. I wonder if he’s thinking about all the people who never understood us, all the times people wrote us off as doomed or messy or just plain stupid. Maybe we were.
“Jaxon—”
He presses his fingertips to my lips, smirking in that way that always drives me crazy. “I want us again. I don’t care how it happens or what it looks like. Just that I have you.”
I look him dead in the eyes, steady and honest. “I don’t want to go back to the friends-with-benefits thing. I’ve been patient. I waited for you. I’m not doing that on-again, off-again thing anymore. I don’t want to be with you if you want to keep it a secret. That’s not fair to me.”
He shakes his head, that lopsided smile gone, replaced by something raw and serious. “I know it’s not. I told you, this time is different.”
“So what do you want from this?” My voice is soft, but my heart’s pounding like I ran the bases.
He leans in, close enough that I can see the sunset reflected in his eyes. “I want you.”
Okay, he keeps saying that and I want to believe him, but I can also see exactly what he’s thinking—and it’s not about pizza anymore. “I… don’t think we should have sex.”
“Wait, what?” His eyes go wide. “Let’s not get crazy.”
I have to laugh. “Maybe we need to start different this time.” I’m teasing, but I mean it—and he knows it.
He lets out this dramatic sigh, but the corners of his mouth twitch. “That’s wild.”
“Jaxon.”
He looks at me, and I can tell he’s not exactly thrilled, but he gets it. “Fine, we can try, but I’m not promising I won’t try to seduce you.”
“Oh, I know you’ll try. That’s what makes it fun.”
“For you or me?”