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“Umph. So, what you sorry for now Julius.”
“Man.” I groaned. “It’s like this here. Never in a million years did I ever think Juice and Nariah wouldn’t be a thing. Never saw this shit playing out like this even though I knew I was fucking off. I guess a part of me felt like you wouldn’t leave. When I fucked up the first time and you forgave me, I felt like you would always stick around.
Real shit Nariah I got comfortable like a muthafucka and with comfortability comes sloppy moves. I was out here on some slime bag shit, and I can admit that now ‘cause I know yo ass don’t want shit to do with me. To be completely honest though even with me moving foul my love for you never went away. It ain’t a muthafucka out here that ain’t know how I felt ‘bout you. I never denied that. Like I told you the last time I knew the right thing to do but my ass just ran the other way.
I’m sorry for hurting you. Sorry for making another female feel like she meant something to me. I know you prolly tired of hearing this shit, but I’ll never stop telling you how sorry I am for fucking up. We will probably never be back how we were. I accept that and I understand. I begged for a shot at your heart and ruined it. I pray one day you’ll find it in your heart to truly forgive me. And if we can’t be anything else I at least want us to be friends. I know you prolly hate my ass but if you ever stopped, I do want us to be cool.”
“Believe it or not I don’t hate you. I hate that your actions landed us in this position but it’s impossible to hate you when I’m still in love with you. It might not happen today, hell might not even happen next month, but I do want us to work on being friends. At one point you were mybestfriend. The one person that I could count on to have my back.
I hate that this is what we’ve become but I also believe everything happens for a reason. I got so used to it being a us that I don’t know how to thrive as just me. I thought me finishing school and doing all ofthis.” She waved at the warehouse behindher. “Was my way of maintaining my independence but the truth is anytime my name is mentioned it’s alwaysNariah girlfriend of rapper Juice.I never wanted that to be my story. So maybe us being broken up is a way for me to remove that connotation from my name.”
“Maybe so.” I surmised.
“Apology accepted.” She smiled.
“Good shit.” Things got quiet for a beat. The two of us were busying staring into each other’s eyes. The love we shared was still strong. I felt it and I knew Nariah did as well. “I ain’t gone hold you up though. I just came to get that off my chest.”
“Thank you, Julius.” Nariah breathed.
“Ain’t nothing.”
Nariah gave me a faint smile before turning to walk off.
My heart broke with every step she took. As much as I wanted to believe our fate was sealed my heart was still holding out hope that one day she would come back. If I ever got the chance towritemy wrongs, please believe I wouldn’t fumble again.
epilogue
. . .
Juice
I was stunned.I mean completely caught off guard. Everything that I’d worked for had come down to this very moment. Standing on stage in front of the audience I held the Grammy in my hand trying to find the right words to say.
The raw words, the illicit emotions, the realness, everything that I poured intoScale Dreamshad won me album of the year. An award that only two rappers had ever won. And here I was the fucking third.
“Man…” I spoke into the mic. “First off, I wanna give honor to God because without him none of this would be possible. Proverbs 28:20 says, “A faithful person will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished”. I never knew what that meant until this moment. It took losing everything I had for me to change.
I raised hell for years. I mean I was a straight up menace. Until one day I looked around and realized I was putting in the work, receiving the recognition, with nobody to celebrate with.
Scale Dreamswas my life summed up in fifteen tracks. Probably the illest project I’ve ever done. But it’s me and it’s my reality. Thank you to my producers, my team, the label, helleverybody that was instrumental in seeing that this project did it’s best.
Lastly, I want to thank my family. I’m nothing without y’all. Everything I do, I do it for y’all. To my wife Nariah.” Everybody in the crowd started to cheer, causing me to pause and clap it up for my girl. When they settled down, I continued.
“Baby, thank you for holding me down. Helping me to realize the caliber of man that I can be when I walk right. I owe this to you and only you. Thank you for being my peace, none of this would be possible without you.” Kissing my fingers I held them off to the crowd and swaggered off the stage.
Funny how life spin the block on you. One minute you losing everything, next minute you holding it all like it never left. I lost Nariah and not because she stopped loving me. But because I ain’t know how to loveherright. Fame came fast. Shit I was too caught up in the lights to see that I was dimming hers.
Too many nights out, too many texts I shouldn’t have replied to. Too manyI’ll call you backsthat never got called. Nariah was loyal when I was foul. She was quiet when I needed peace. But time taught me and pain humbled me. I prayed for her. Not just to come back, but to heal too.
And when she did, she ain’t come back to the same nigga she left. She came back to a man who finally understood whatforevermeant. This time I ain’t taking shit for granted. This time our song doesn’t end in heartbreak.
I joke with Nariah all the time about how God knew this was where she was supposed to be. That night in Punta Cana was the night Nariah and I conceived our baby girl Jurni. When she found out she was pregnant she was hurt. She felt like life was playing a joke on her. This was the second time she walked away from the relationship and ended up pregnant.
Unlike the first time we didn’t jump back into a relationship. Nariah made me work to regain her heart. It took some time,plenty of prayer, and a lot of therapy, but we were able to get us back right. And when we did, I got down on my knee and proposed. Now I get to hold her like I almost lost her forever because I did.
This the end of our album, or maybe the start of a new one. Either way I’m forever grateful.
The End