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Chapter 1
IT WAS THE SAME NIGHTMAREagain, a terrifying fusion of his worst memories.
Mairi stood in front of him, eyes blurry with tears, hurt and confusion making her lip tremble.
He recognized this scene immediately, knew it was after their first night together. He had convinced her to come back to his life, to move in with him, and she had said yes, had thought it was a good idea until she realized what role she’d be playing.
No! Dammit, no!
But it was as if his soul was manacled, and there was nothing he could do to stop the scene from unfolding, nothing to prevent Mairi from breaking.
“What do you mean you’re still engaged?”
And that was when Damen saw himself. His former asshole self, unable to see past his selfishness to realize how he was destroying his only chance of happiness.
“Mairi, I didn’t lie to you this time. When we were in Vlahos’ yacht, I told you I wanted you in my life.”
“Yes.”
“But did I say I was going to break it off with her?”
Stop it. You fucking fool, stop breaking her heart!Damen struggled against the invisible chains that stopped him, but it was as if he was voiceless, nonexistent.
And so his former self continued to tear her apart.
He turned to Mairi, and Damen’s chest constricted at the way she tried to keep her every dream alive, tried to believe that love was every bit as good and pure as she had been made to believe.
“No, but...”
That blank look in her eyes, that silent begging – it drove Damen to his knees, and he looked up, wildly searching for something, someone to blame.Somebody fucking let me go so I can stop this.
He shouted,I’ll do anything you want. Just let me go and let me—-
But it was too late.
“How else will you have me back in your life if you still belong to her?” Her voice shook. Her heart bled. He could see it in her eyes.
And his former self, finally realizing, bit by bit, the fucking mess he was in. His former self, doing his best to keep Mairi from bleeding even more, saying, “I don’t belong—-”
But it was too late.
Mairi was screaming. “How?”
The pain on her face was too much.
Damen reached for her at the same time his former self did.
But neither of them was able to reach her.
Mairi, pushing away the hand that tried to hold her, Mairi trying her best not to sob, but it was impossible.
“How?” This time, she was no longer screaming. This time, she was crying.
Damen was white with pain at the sight.Why, goddamn you, why? Why do you always make me see this?
In front of him, his former self admitted in a bleak voice,“I wanted you back in my life as my mistress.”