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She forced herself to say lightly, “I admit I’m not back to my normal self, but I’m not suicidal.”
“That is extremely good to hear,” Drake said in his now-familiar bland voice, “because your former fiancé is the one knocking on your front door.”
Mairi paled. “Tell me that’s just a bad joke.”
“It’s not. I posted a few guards outside, and one just texted me about Damen’s impending arrival five minutes ago.”
“And you didn’t stop him?”
He said evenly, “No. I did not stop him. That’s not my call.”
She didn’t know what to think. She looked at her aunts, unconsciously seeking their help, but they were just as stoic, as if all three had come to a consensus without her and their unilateral decision was to let her sink or swim.
Mairi’s fingers curled into fists on her lap. She was shaking badly, and her voice shook even harder as she admitted in a whisper, “I don’t think I’m ready to see him.” This morning, Mairi had been sure she was strong enough to look into Damen Leventis’ eyes and tell him she no longer wanted him in her life. But now? Not so much. Not when his betrayal cut her so deeply she didn’t think she’d ever be whole again.
Drake had touched her. She had let another man touch her, and she wanted to die because of it.
But Damen?
Damen had been sleeping with the woman he had once been betrothed to for five years, and no matter what Alina had said, Mairi didn’t believe he could have felt as torn up about it as she felt about her own actions.
If he had...
If he had, then he would never have been able to take Alina to his bed.
The look on Mairi’s face gutted Drake, but he was able to keep himself indifferent. It was one of the blessings and curses of having gone to war, the ability to neutralize all emotions and view everything in black and white.
“It doesn’t matter if you are ready to see him or not. He is here, and now you must make your choice. Do you want him back?”
She didn’t answer.
Unfortunately for Mairi, he wasn’t inclined to wait forever for one. It would do no one any favors if he did. He stood up and walked towards the front door. “Do you want to do this inside or outside?”
Mairi stiffened. “Drake, I don’t...”
He made his voice colder and harder. “Inside or outside, Mairi?”
She squeezed her eyes shut.If only, she thought numbly.If only she could wish the world away. How pathetic she had become, but the pain that kept stabbing her heart made it difficult for Mairi to remember that she was better off than others.
Other people lost the ones they loved to death. Other people lost the ones they loved to war, to slavery, to prison.
She had not lost anything or anyone – she had only lost her heart.
Drake spoke again. “Make your decision or I’ll make it for you. Either way, you need to settle this now.”
Mairi forced herself to open her eyes. “Outside.” Her voice was thin. “I don’t want Damen Leventis taking one step inside my home.”