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I enjoyed them, sure.

But that was back when I had been a completely different person. A person I could never quite be again. Back then, I had craved a simple life filled with Mexican food in to-go containers, engines that needed to be rebuilt, cold beer,backyard barbeques, and singing classic rock songs totally off-key. And, if I was being honest, I still craved the possibility of having a modest house, a white picket fence, and growing old with the man I loved.

A simple, well-lived life.

Not one filled with darkness and blood and monsters.

Now that I understood what I would be giving up, I found that I could finally admit to myself that I still wanted it. I still wanted the ease and simplicity of it. I wanted to stop the relentless violence of hunting. I wanted to escape the perpetual homesickness of never having a place that belonged to me, where I could put down roots.

And I would be giving all of it up if I did this, wouldn’t I?

But was it more important than him?

Did my craving for a simple human life matter more than Danny?

Once I had put it into those terms for myself, the answer wasn’t hard to find. Because what I would be giving up wasnothingin comparison to what I would be losing if I didn’t at leasttry.

But what if it didn’t work?

I would be trusting—praying—that I could somehow tap into the part of Danny that was still a real person if I did this. But it might not mean anything. I might be condemning myself to an eternity of loneliness and pain, spent as the kind of creature I had dedicated years of my life to fighting. A creature I had hated and feared in equal measure.

And what then?

What if it was all for nothing?

Well, then I would still love Danny enough tostop him,wouldn’t I?

I couldn’t ever hurt him, of course. That was off the table, no matter what. But I could be there, every single time he wanted tohurt someone. I could ruin every single one of his nights in order to honor the man I’d loved and lost, the version of him who never would have harmed a single innocent soul. I could make this new, monstrous version of him hate me, no problem.

I would follow him to the ends of the earth for an eternity, if I had to. But only if I was strong enough. And only if I lived as long as he did. Only if I was like him.

One way or another, I wouldn’t ever let Danny go all the way into the dark.

Not if there was a single thing left that I could do to stop it.

I had promised him, after all.

Deciding, I turned to face Thierry. The movement felt surreal, like I was in a dream. I was breathing harder than I should have been, but my mind was filled with a clear, sharp-edged clarity. I could do this. Iwoulddo this, for him.

My gaze locked onto Thierry’s. There was a mixture of wariness and speculation on the vampire’s face as he stared at me.

I could just shoot myself, I realized. Right in the heart. Theirry had given me his blood back in the cavern. That had been hours ago, though. And it had already healed all of my wounds? Did you need to ingest vampire blood immediately before dying in order to come back? Did the magic in the blood exhaust itself when it healed your injuries?

And what if I missed the heart? What if the wound wasn’t enough to kill me? What if I wasn’t strong enough or lucid enough to finish the job?

It was too many unknowns. I couldn’t risk it.

Without a word, I marched past him and back into the house.

Bryan and Tobias were still on the floor, next to the young man who would soon wake up as an inhuman, immortal creature.

Just like I would.

Their gazes both snapped to me as I stepped into the room.

Thierry followed behind me, pausing in the doorway, his shadow falling over me, covering me in darkness.

“I need you to turn me,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was talking to Thierry or Bryan.