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Without him, there was no point at all.

Danny had said he loved me, and we hadn’t ever talked about it. Now I would never know if he’d really meant it, or if he’d just said it. And I’d never know if we could have tried to be something more to each other.

Because I had been a coward.

And fuck it all, who was I kidding? He had been too. And now I would never know.

And he’d never get the chance to tell me.

That thought made me want to vomit again, but there was nothing left in my stomach, so I just ended up retching useless grief and agony onto the ground.

When I was done, I felt exhausted, shuddering and shaky.

It was ironic. But now that he was gone, I could finally fucking admit it, couldn’t I? I had been in love with him since the moment we’d first met—when he’d literally put himself bodily in front of me and slain the monsters who had destroyed my whole world. And that hadn’t stopped—I hadn’t stopped feeling the way I’d felt. I had just gotten better at pretending. No amount of hooking up or shoving away my feelings could change the truth.

I loved Danny.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I had assumed we’d eventually talk everything out. That we’d pass a bottle of Jack Daniels back and forth between us in some backwater motel room, after a night of close calls, and we’d lay it all out on the on table. That we’d make it right, one way or another. And then I would’ve come clean about how I felt, too. I’d been waitingfor that to happen. As though anything that mattered that much ever happened all on its own, easy as you please.

Danny had told me tonight that he would’ve done anything for me. Well, fuck it, I would have too. If there had been some divine merciful all-powerful being to appeal to, to fix this so that he could live, and I could take his place in death, I wouldn’t have needed even a moment to think about it. I would’ve said, take me. Please take me instead.

But I hadn’t been willing to doanythingfor him, had I?

Instead, I had left him with his vulnerable fucking admission standing between us like a goddamn ghost, and I had shut him the fuck down the one and only time he’d tried to act on it. And I’d been so relieved when he hadn’t remembered, and it had never come up again.

All because I hadn’t wanted to risk feeling the same pain I’d felt at losing Joshua.

But I had survived that, hadn’t I?

Because of Danny.

And now, there was no one. I already knew there was no way in hell I could survive without him. I didn’t want to. He was gone, so I wanted to be, too.

And tonight would be the last night I’d ever have with him, wouldn’t it?

After I buried him here in this lonely place, I would never see his face, ever again.

So, I fought through my grief, and I inched myself back to his side. I didn’t want to, but I forced myself to reallylookat him. To memorize him completely, so I could keep him with me for however many days in this world I had left. And he was so heartbreakingly beautiful, even in death. The angular lines of his face, juxtaposed with the softness of his hair. The hardness of his jaw.

The blood on his lips.

Theblackblood on his lips.

I stared at that for a long time, transfixed, my jaw falling open. A sharp gasp escaped my lips.

Because his entire mouth was covered in blood.

It had all happened so fast. But the female vamp had been on top of him in the alleyway, holding him down, when I had come in. I had broken into a sprint. And then I had screamed out his name.

But it came flooding back to me now.

She had jerked her wristawayfrom his mouth, so she could put her hands on his head and break his neck. It had happened quickly, but I was now certain of it. She had been feeding him her blood right before she’d killed him.

I pulled open Danny’s lower jaw with my thumb, as gently as I could manage, and I saw that his mouth was coated in blood as well.

A lot of blood. Black blood.Vampireblood.

Which meant that Danny wasn’t dead at all.