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I felt dizzy with nerves as I pulled into Hayes’s driveway. I couldn’t see into his home, but his truck was parked outside along with his motorcycle, carefully stored under a cover to protect it from the elements.
My heart raced a jaunty pace at the sight as I wondered if this would be my last time coming to his house.
Was this the part where we turned into strangers?
I’d been there before in past relationships, but I really didn’t want that to happen with Hayes. Even with my best friend’s doubt. Even with my parents’ disapproval. Something deep inside of me knew this thing with Hayes felt right.
Taking a deep breath, I got out of my car and walked toward his house, praying this wouldn’t be the end.
I was about to knock on the wooden door with the diamond-shaped window up high, but it opened before I could. And Hayes was standing there in ripped-up jeans and a baggy white shirt, his hair slightly damp from a shower.
Just the sight of him made me want to fall into his arms and let him hold me, but he simply stepped back and said, “Come on in.” Nothing in his expression gave away what was to come.
I followed him into his place, noticing the savory scents coming from his kitchen. He’d cooked for us as promised, but I didn’t have much of an appetite.
“You can sit at the table,” he said, “I’ll serve you.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
It all seemed so stiff, so formal.
That wasn’t us.
Where was Hayes’s joke about serving me a piece of meat? Or the roll of my eyes in return?
A small scuffle of paws on hard floors sounded, and I looked down just in time to see Chopper launch himself at my knees. “Hi, sweetie!” I cooed, picking him up.
Oh God, I thought as I stroked his soft, curly fur. Was this my last time seeing Chopper too?
My heart sank as Hayes said, “Would you like something to drink? Water? Lemonade? Tea?”
“Lemonade, please.” The words felt like cotton in my mouth.
He brought me a glass half full of ice and topped off with lemonade. Then he said, “I made spaghetti and a salad. Are you okay with that?”
I nodded, finding it hard to speak. My throat was feeling tight. After taking a drink, I focused again on Chopper, trying not to cry. The dog was looking at me with big, brown, shiny eyes. As if he could feel my mood, he ducked his head to my chest. It took all I had not to sob.
Hayes set a heaping plate of spaghetti and red sauce and a fresh salad in front of me. “Is there anything else you’d like?” he asked.
I looked up at him, trying to see how he was so calm. “Honestly, Hayes, my stomach is in so many knots I don’t know how I’m going to eat before we talk.”
“Same here.” He sat down across from me, hand shaking as he reached for a spiral notebook I hadn’t noticed on his table. Our plates were completely forgotten as he began speaking. “I’m sorry I ran out like that last night. I wasn’t in a good head space.”
I nodded slowly. “I understand. I would have freaked out too.”
His lips formed a sad smile that quickly fell.
“So what’s in the notebook?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“Well, I went to my brother for advice, and he pointed out that since this is all new to me, I’m still figuring things out. He told me I needed to think about what I wanted moving forward. What I was willing to give.”
I searched his eyes, hoping for a hint of his answer. I’d spent my whole life dreaming of what I wanted in a man. This really was all new to him.
Hayes cleared his throat and flipped open the notebook where I could see the pages lifting and wrinkled from pen indentations. “I know I’m not done yet, but when I thought of what I wanted, I thought... I want Della.”
My lips trembled, because I’d been around long enough to know that wasn’t always enough.
“I thought, I want to argue with her about trivial bullshit just to see how happy she is when she finds out she was right all along. I want to dance with her and her two left feet—as long as I’m wearing steel-toe boots. I want to look at her from across the room at a family party and see the blush on her cheeks when she notices me looking. I want her to believe in love, and I want to be someone she can believe in.”