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Forty-five
Henley
June
2007
Jessica has been staring at me all classperiod. Staring and whispering behind her hand to her friends. Every once in a while, one of them giggles. I’m trying not to pay attention but every time I hear it, my stomach clenches and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I’m wearing the ring Conner gave me. I spent the entire morning with it on my finger, expecting someone to notice it. To say something. No one did and I’ve never been so glad to be so invisible.
But as soon as I walked into class, I felt Jessica’s eyes on me, digging into my back while I slid into my seat. Thankfully we have a test today so as soon as I’m finished, I take my paper up to the teacher and ask if I can go to the bathroom. He waves me off and doesn’t even notice when I take all my books with me.
I don’t go to the bathroom. I go to the library, heading toward the back study table where we usually sit and wait for Conner. When he gets here, I’ll give him the ring back and explain that—
“That’s a cute top.”
I look up to find Jessica standing over me, her long blonde hair tossed over her shoulder, fake smile plastered across her face. Behind her, the girls we have history class with glare at me.
I look down at the shirt I’m wearing. It’s a plain blue V-neck that Conner’s mom gave me from a bunch of stuff her niece didn’t want anymore. There’s nothing special about it other than it never belonged to my brother. “Thanks,” I mumble, shallowing hard against the buzzing hum that’s building in my ears.
I watch her slide into the seat next to me from the corner of my eye. “Where’d you get it?” She says it like she already knows so I ignore her, pulling my book closer to my chest, trying to focus on the words in front of me.
“Conner’s mom bought it for you, right?” she says in that syrupy sweet tone she uses when she’s about to gut you. “I saw her at the mall a few weeks ago, buying a bunch of stuff and I swear I saw her buy that shirt.” Somewhere behind me, her friends laugh. The words go blurry on the page but I keep staring at it, hoping they’ll get bored and leave me alone. No such luck.
“I like your ring, it’s pretty,” she says, still pretending that she didn’t come here to hurt me. “Did Conner’s mom give that to you too?”
“What do you want, Jessica?” I say because, suddenly, I just want it over with. I just want her to say whatever she came in here to say so she and her friends can have their laugh and go back to ignoring me.
“I want to know what you think is really happening between you and Conner.” Her tone goes sour. Nasty.
Bile churns in my stomach, splashing and stinging the back of my throat. “Nothing is happening between Conner and me,” I say it without looking up, the humming buzz in my ear punctuated by the heavy drum of my pulse, echoing in my ears. “I’m tutoring him in calculus. That’s all.”
“Do really think he’s your boyfriend. That he loves you?” It’s like I never said a word. “You’re not his girlfriend, Henley.” She gives me a sympathetic smile, like she feels sorry for me. I can feel it crawling, like spiders, all over my face. “You’re like this little stray dog that follows him around and he lets you because he feels sorry for you. You’re the Gilroy family charity case.”
I feel my hand curl into a fist, the ring Conner gave me cutting into the skin between my fingers.
“No,” she laughs, looking over her shoulder at her friends, urging them to join in. “You’re more like the family pet.” She turns toward me, still laughing.
Ladies don’t solve their problems with their fists.
That’s the last thing I remember thinking before I punch Jessica right in dumb, loud mouth.