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“You think I wanted to leave?” I remember sitting in the back of Spencer’s car, my mother’s fingers digging into my knee, her sharp nails piercing my skin like claws. Don’t look back, she hissed in my ear. Ladies don’t dwell on the past.
“I have no idea what you wanted, Henley,” she says, her mouth pressed into a hard line while she swallows hard against whatever seemed to be choking her. “You left. I needed you, and you weren’t there.”
I see it now.
Like Conner, she looks different—but still the same. She’s still as tiny as I remember, her dark hair pulled up into a messy ponytail that’s more afterthought than hairstyle. Her heart-shaped face. Her cute button nose. She has tattoos now —a full sleeve covering her right arm. More peeking out between the waistband of her jeans and the hem of her t-shirt—but despite the ink, she still loos the same… but there’s a heaviness to her that wasn’t there when we were kids. Something happened to her. Something big and I wasn’t here for her like I should’ve been.
“Tess, I—”
“You getting married?” It comes out more like an accusation than a question. Hearing her say it makes me feel guilty. Makes me wonder if Conner told her.
“Well—”
“Stop. Don’t answer that.” She throws herself at me, her arms catching me around my waist, hugging me so hard I feel like I’m caught in a trash compactor. She’s always been a hard hugger. I remember that too.
How much I’ve missed it.
“Are we okay?” I ask when I feel her arms start to loosen. I need her. I didn’t even realize how much until now. As much as I need her, I know she doesn’t belong to me anymore. She belongs to Conner, and if I hurt him, she’ll never forgive me.
“Probably not, but I’ve decided I’m going to be selfish about this for as long as possible,” she says softly. “I stuck my nose in Cap’n’s business, and everything went to shit.”
I hug her back, laughing a little. “I have no idea what that means,” I tell her
“It means I’m glad you’re home.” She leans back just a bit, far enough for me to see her face. “How long?”
“Ten weeks,” I say, and she lets me go, steps back, giving me the once-over.
“It’s not going to take that long to find your dad,” she says, shaking her head. “It won’t even take ten minutes.
Hearing her say that makes me look up at our old apartment window again. I wonder if he still lives there. If he’s passed out next to the toilet. Who’s been rolling him onto his side, so he doesn’t drown in his own vomit. I have to fight the urge to storm my way up the stairs and find out. Instead, I offer her what I hope is a convincing smile.
“Actually, I’m serving an internship at the library.”
“You’re a librarian?” she says like I just told her I was a circus clown.
“Is that so hard to believe?” I say, oddly wounded by her reaction.
“Yes,” she answers, unfazed by my reaction. “I figured your mom would have you married off to some billionaire and planning fund-raisers by now.”
“What can I say?” I give her a shrug, even though she’s right. That’s exactly what I’ll be, a few years from now. A billionaire’s wife. Pampered and kept. Exactly the kind of life my mother has envisioned for me. “I live to disappoint.”