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“No, Conner. It’s non-negotiable.”
His jaw tightens again, his mouth set at a stubborn angle that makes me think he’s going to keep arguing, but he doesn’t. “Will you still come over?” He actually looks worried that I’ll say no. Like he has no trouble believing that the only reason I spent time with him is because I was getting paid.
“Yes. But you can’t do that again.” I hold up a hand to stop him from talking when he opens his mouth. “You can’t lie to me. Manipulate me, just to get what you want. It’s not fair.”
Again, he looks pained. Uncomfortable. Like he isn’t sure where to step. What to say. I have a feeling it’s something he’s not used to. That he’s out of his depth. Finally, he nods. “Okay.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
I stand there, unsure of what to do or say next, while he watches me from his seat on the bed in front of me. “Are we dating?”
His face softens. “Yes.”
“What happens now?”
“You come over here and sit next to me.” He must see the panic on my face because he laughs. “I just want you to sit with me. That’s it. You can even open the door first if you want.”
“What if Declan sees us?” I say, exploring all possible contingencies. “What if he—”
“He won’t say anything,” Conner says, shaking his head. “He’s has secrets too.”
I want to ask what that means, but I don’t. Instead, I do what he asks. I open his bedroom door. I make my way back to his bed and sit down on its edge, awkwardly shifting across it until we’re sitting side-by-side, shoulders leaned against the wall.
“What’s next?” I say softly, glancing up to find Conner looking down at me, an odd expression on his face.
“How do you feel about Celtic poetry?” he whispers, leaning into me slightly, close enough to make me dizzy, but other than his shoulder and hip pressed against mine, he doesn’t touch me.
I suddenly find myself wanting him to. I realize it’s something I’ve wanted all along but never thought about. Never let myself think about.
I want Conner to touch me.
Kiss me.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, looking up at him. I don’t know anything right now except that somehow, I’m with Conner Gilroy. For some reason, he likes me. Wants to be with me. I feel like someone’s flung me off a cliff. Like I’m falling, too fast and too far, to ever hope to save myself.
“Then that’s what’s next,” he says with a grin, opening the book in his lap to the page he left off. “We find out.”