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He sits next to me, legs crossing over one another. “I spoke with Axel after the game, which is why I’m sure he’ll need afew extra minutes before he comes out. We had to speak about current events in his life and how these will affect his future.”

“Okay.”

“Miss Beckwith–”

“You can call me Nadia.”

“Nadia, of course.” He smiles tightly. “By the time I was Axel’s age, I was in college, but already married and preaching at my father’s church every Sunday. I had my life planned out and although it was comforting, at times I felt like something was missing–a worldliness I was unable to share with my congregation.” He leans back. “I felt like I couldn’t always relate to the struggles they came to me with. I felt limited in my knowledge and guidance, and I determined then, that when my son was of age, I’d give him the freedom to explore life a little more so that when he stepped into his role, he would be more prepared to minister to his flock’s needs.” He nods over at the doors that lead to the ice. “That’s why I’ve always allowed him to pursue sports. Even on a high level. Why I didn’t keep him from sowing his oats, from getting an education, from seeing the world. All of this was just experience for what came next; the Kingdom.”

“That was very forward thinking of you,” I say, because I’m not sure what this is about or what he wants from me. “Axel is a good leader. He’s dedicated to his teammates and friends.”

“It’s my understanding you two have become more serious than his prior relationships.”

Heat prickles on my neck. I’m not sure it’s because I’m talking to a minister or Axel’s father. Maybe both. “We have.”

“The one demand I have made of my son in exchange for this freedom is that he return home to minister to the Kingdom when he graduates.”

“He’s told me and he seems prepared for that.”

“Good,” he says quietly, then lifts his chin. “Has he told you that to fulfill his duties he’ll need to present himself in a certain way–a particular lifestyle?”

“You mean like the tattoos and piercings?”

“As much as I personally dislike them, they’re relatable to our younger congregants.” He shifts. “No, I mean that Axel will need the right kind of woman to support him for the rest of his life. Someone who can handle the scrutiny of an international congregation. She’ll need the background and backbone of a saint.”

A wave of anxiety unfurls in my chest. “What are you saying?”

“I’m aware of your history, Nadia. Of the athletes you’ve spent the last four years persuing. I know about the pornography and the online accounts. This kind of lifestyle, this past, will follow my son around like a cloak of sin.” His expression turns grave. “It will follow our entire family around, undoing everything we’ve worked so hard for.”

My jaw drops but before I can formulate any words, to ask him how he knows about the LonelyFans account, or anything else about me, he adds, “The conversation I had with Axel after the game was decisive. He’s choosing his family and his future. Regrettably, you will not be a part of that and I’m afraid my son hasn’t come out of the locker room yet because he’s avoiding having this conversation with you.”

“He’s breaking up with me?” I ask. “Because I’m not good enough for your family?”

“You’re one of God’s children, Nadia. He loves you and I’m sure you’ll find your own path.” He stands. “It just won’t be with my son.”

My chest feels like it’s being crushed by the weight of every stupid thing I’ve ever done. What Reverend Rakestraw says makes sense. I am a mess. I do have a soiled, dirty past. I’ma liability for a man like Axel–for a family like his. The idea of being with him–being his partner in whatever career he chooses was dumb. I learned that with Brent and all the other athletes I chased.

“What I can do for you, is make this video and report disappear. I can wipe them off the face of the earth and you can pretend they never happened. Neither you or Axel will be tied to this sordid affair and everyone can go back to fulfilling their expectations.”

I blink. “Everyone?”

He reaches into his pockets for his gloves. “Yes. It’ll be like it never happened.”

“But it did happen. Brent and CJ drugged and used me. They filmed me without my consent and sold it online.” I stand, the anger bubbling to the surface. “And they drugged your son–who probably saved me from it happening again when he accidentally consumed it instead of me.” I push up on my toes in an attempt to look him in the eye. “Do whatever you want to save your son, but leave me out of it. I own my past, flaws and all, and refuse to have it erased. The people that did this to me need to be stopped, and I’m not backing down because it makes you uncomfortable.”

“And this,” he says, pulling on a glove, “is exactly why you’re a liability, and why you’ll never be my son’s future.” He spreads his fingers. “Good luck, Miss Beckwith.”

He walks out the arena door, allowing in a gust of cold air. I’m shaken, not from the cold, but from trying to process everything that he just told me–trying to sort out what was real and what was just a twisted threat. I don’t know what he said to Axel or what he really thinks, but if he plans on breaking up with me, he sure as hell is going to do it to my face.

The partyat the Manor is full blown by the time I arrive. Someone hung colored holiday lights along the porch railing, and a huge blow up reindeer wobbles by the steps. Upbeat Christmas music pours out of the speakers and everyone seems to be in good spirits. Winter break starts in the morning and most everyone will leave campus and head home for the next two weeks. I’m not exactly looking forward to going to Florida. My parents will undoubtedly have questions about how fast I left at Thanksgiving. Will Holt may still be living next door and I’m not interested in ever seeing him again. It sucks. Home used to be a safe space, but not anymore. Axel became that for me, and now I’m not sure if I have that either.

I didn’t wait for Axel to come out of the arena, instead texting Twyler that I would meet her here. I needed a minute to recover from the force that is Nolan Rakestraw. I went home to change, taking off Axel’s jersey, and wearing my own clothes. Standing outside the Manor, looking at the crowd of people up on the porch and through the lit windows, I realize that for the first time since arriving at Wittmore, I feel like I belong. Not just with Axel, but with his friends. They see me as more than a jersey chaser or a girl ready to party. No one inside is looking at me for a hook-up, or an easy lay. They’ve embraced me for who I am, both as Axel’s girl, and Twyler’s friend.

I’m going to hate giving this up.

I climb the front steps and head into the party.

“Nadia!” Reid appears the instant I cross the threshold, throwing his arms around me. He’s had a wardrobe change and is no longer in the purple suit but a flashy cardigan with anargyle pattern and baggy jeans. “You need to go find your man. He looks like someone ran over his kitten.”