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To New York.

She would forget me. She was young enough that, while she might cry for a day or two, not understanding why I was no longer around, the one person she had counted on to never leave her, she would move on quickly once she realized I was never coming back.

But me?

I would never forget her. I was old enough, my mind developed enough to hold onto memories for years.

Today was one of those memories. I would remember this moment for the rest of my life.

I didn’t know if children were in my future. Hell, the only man I ever considered more with, was a man I fucked in a filthy bar bathroom and then ran away from when I couldn’t let go of my distrust and disgust for all things motorcycle related.

My own unresolved trauma might just keep me from settling down.

The connection I felt with Travis was unexplainable. The way my body lit up when his eyes raked over my curves. The way my nerves ignited when I felt his fingertips on my skin.

STOP!

This was not the time or the place to be thinking about a man I had barely even conversed with. Picking up Dani and hefting her onto my hip, we went in search of more experiences.

When we entered the barnyard, her little arms clung to me. But I would not be deterred. The baby goat enclosure was just the place to allow her to face her fear.

The pen held seven Nigerian Dwarf goat babies. They were tiny, the sign indicating they were only a few days old. This exhibit had limited hours the baby goats could be away from their moms, and I had paid a premium for Dani to have this opportunity.

The goats were so much smaller than her little body that I hoped she wouldn’t see them as a threat. I found a small bench in the middle of the pen and sat down, holding her on my lap, facing me.

I kept my arms around her, reminding her I was here and she was safe. I whispered in her ear the word‘baby’over and over until she relaxed.

My hand dropped down to pet one of the goats and it nuzzled my hand. Soon, more baby goats noticed we were there and came looking for their own attention.

Curiosity bloomed across Dani’s face, and I smiled. She was hesitant, but she turned her head to follow where the miniature animal bounced off to.

When one of the babies hopped onto the bench, she jumped on my lap and wrapped my arms around her. Assuring her I was here and she was safe with me.

The baby goat nuzzled against my arm and tears formed when Dani reached her hand out tentatively to touch the animal’s nose. Her giggle when the goat’s tongue slipped out and licked her fingers had me smiling so hard my face hurt.

It had been a risk, bringing her here. It could have just as easily ended in a traumatic experience. But life was a series of risks. Every choice that lay in front of us had the capability to enrich our lives or destroy them.

It was Schrödinger’s cat.

Erwin Schrödinger created a thought experiment in quantum mechanics. It illustrated the concept of superposition, where a cat was sealed in a box with a radioactive substance, leaving you to believe the cat was both alive and dead until it was observed.

The absurdity of a cat being both alive and dead was meant to demonstrate the difficulty of applying quantum mechanics to macroscopic objects. Our minds tell us that objects are in one state or the other, not both at once.

It was the same concept with risk. It could pay off, or it could pay out. Like the cat that must be observed to find the answer, the risk must be taken to understand the effect it would have on our lives.

I thought about that as I contemplated the choice I needed to make in my own life. I had been asked about another doctor buying into my practice. Creating a partnership. That was something I knew immediately I was not interested in.

I had never considered having a partner in my practice, except for Haizley. She worked with adults, and I worked with children. We complimented each other. There would never be a case where we needed to compete for a patient.

But she chose to move home to Nebraska, and I stayed here.

It had only been two weeks since I had become Dani’s caretaker, but it was clear that I wanted to have this little girl in my life forever. So, when her fathers returned to claim her and move her to New York, well, there was really only one option for me.

To sell my practice and move to New York.

I could open a new practice there. Maybe even work under Dr. Scott himself. Dante knew him well; I was sure he would be willing to give me a reference. He would understand the importance of not having yet another person ripped out of Dani’s life.

Decision made, Dani and I finished our tour of the zoo and stopped for dinner on the way home. She had her bath and her cookies, as well as her stories and then I put her to bed.