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Dani loved me. Children loved everyone. Until you gave them a reason not to. But children gave second chances easily. Hell, they gave seven hundred chances. Children didn’t need to be taught how to love. They were taught how to hate. They were taught how to be mean.

Sure, kids could say some very mean things, they had no filter. But when a child spoke out of turn, telling a woman she was fat, or a man that he looked weird, it wasn’t done with malicious intent.

Children dealt in facts.

They didn’t know how to manipulate. That was something they learned from the people in their lives.

I went to church once. Not long after Gunner walked away. I was looking for answers. Why wasn’t I enough to love? Why did my parents let Gunner take me away? Why did Gunner walk away?

Anyway, I went to church and the man behind the pulpit was preaching, about what, I couldn’t tell you because the only thing that stood out to me was this one thing he said.

“When your baby cries down the hall, and you walk in the room and they immediately smile at you, you’ve just been manipulated.”

I sat there wondering where he got that idea from. Through the rest of the sermon, I thought about what he said. This man, who preached about God’s love, about how our Father in Heaven loved us unconditionally, believed that a child who was crying because they were scared, hungry, sad, any number of emotions they couldn’t express any other way than to cry out, had the brain capacity to manipulate with their cries.

Who fucking thought that way?

Children were born knowing absolutely nothing. They learned what we taught them. There was an old poem, children learned what they lived.

If children live with criticism, they learn to criticize.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship, they learn to find love in the world.

Children learned what they were taught. Babies didn’t know how to manipulate. They cried because that was how they communicated. They smiled because they were genuinely happy to see that their parent—the one person they should be able to trust, to depend on—came to them when they were upset.

Children knew how to love. Until they were taught not to.

It was why so many young women had babies before they were ready. They believed that if they had someone to love them unconditionally, everything would be right in the world.

The problem was, women who came from trauma never learned how to love someone else. If they didn’t know how to love, they couldn’t teach someone how to love.

I didn’t believe my parents loved me. Not considering what they did. What they allowed.

I knew in my heart Gunner loved me. He showed me how to love. He didn’t have to protect me. He didn’t have to pull me out of our home and away from our parents. He didn’t have to pay for my college.

Those were the sacrifices he made for me. Until I turned eighteen, everything Gunner did for me was a sacrifice on his part. I wasn’t his responsibility. But he chose to love me.

Until he didn’t.

Dani wasn’t my responsibility. I chose to sacrifice my practice, my education, my home. Everything I had worked for so that she had someone who wouldn’t walk away.