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“Let’s take a step back for a second. Why don’t you tell me how Danika’s been handling Danny’s absence?”

When he finally sat on the sofa, he looked at Danika, who was sitting on the floor, flipping through a sensory book. His smile helped him to relax. Children of loving parents acted as a drug. One look at the most important person in your life, seeing them at peace and happy, was like a shot of dopamine. It helped to regulate your own feelings of inadequacy.

My brother used to be that for me. When he was around, he made me feel safe. Loved. Peaceful. I envied what Dani had in Dante.

Focus, Mellie!

“She seems to be okay. I mean, I think she’s accepted that I’m not going anywhere. Maybe that’s because I take her everywhere with me. She’s never out of my sight. But she still points to Danny’s picture when I put her to bed at night. I think she feels I’m lying to her.”

My laugh was involuntary. I didn’t mean to do it, but Dante’s assessment of Dani’s feelings was a mirror of what he was feeling in himself.

“I don’t think so. If anything, she’s asking for your reassurance that nothing’s changed. Kids feel the turmoil and tension around them. Like right now, you are agitated, and Dani can sense that. It’s why she’s sitting quietly with a sensory book while you and I talk. Kids are smarter than adults give them credit for. They hear and see everything. Trust me, Dante. Danika knows you are telling her the truth. Like you, she misses him, and her pointing at Danny’s picture is her way of telling you she misses him too.”

Leaning forward, he grabbed his head and groaned. “God, I’m messing this all up.”

“No, you’re not. What you are feeling is perfectly valid. There is no wrong emotion here, Dante. Right now, both of you are learning to navigate life without a significant piece of your family. It’s understandable that you feel frustrated, angry even. We never discussed how you met Danny. Why don’t you tell me?”

Dante leaned back on the sofa and a grin spread across his face.

“I just knew. From the first moment I saw him. It was like getting hit by lightning, Doc. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s the truth. My world shifted, turned upside down, and flew sideways until all that mattered was Danny.”

“Was it the same for him?”

Dante laughed at my question. I smiled back at him, knowing that his laugh was from a memory. Something he kept in his heart about the man he loved.

Shaking his head, he sobered and said, “No. If anything, Danny didn’t know what to make of me at first. You see, he grew up in the mountains of Tennessee, with three brothers and lots of male cousins. No girls in the Franks family. Only boys, and he was the youngest. When I first met Danny, he was like every other young male in college, and he had no problems moving through the female population on campus.”

“So, what changed?”

Shrugging, he looked at Danika. “I don’t know. When we first met, we just hit it off and became instant friends. I never hid who I was from Danny. Even when he messed around with every skanky bitch on campus and I voiced my displeasure, he just accepted me for who I was.”

“How did it make you feel to see him with the opposite sex?”

“Jealous. Enraged. Vindictive. I hated it and he knew it, but I never stopped him. You gotta understand something, Doc. Danny is smart. Like wicked smart, and everyone in school knew it. Everyone wanted to be his friend. Teachers envied what Danny could do, and some even tried to manipulate him into furthering their own careers, but I wouldn’t let them.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Dante looked into my eyes with an expression that held something I had never seen in him and bluntly explained, “I stopped them. Danny lived in his binary world, oblivious to everything and everyone around him. Unless they composed of some undiscovered binary code, Danny really didn’t care. That’s where I came in. I became the buffer between Danny and the real world. While everyone wanted a piece of him, I kept him safe. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t get Danny to read the damn code in front of him.”

“That you were in love with him.”

He nodded. “I knew Danny was comfortable around me. He never shied away from my touches, looks, anything. He just accepted me. Hell, Doc, do you know how many times I sat on the toilet and watched him shower? Nothing fazed him, and that’s when I realized he didn’t know his own nature. After that, I kind of relaxed around him, let my guard down, and just accepted that in time, Danny would figure it out.”

“But you didn’t wait, did you?”

Smirking, he looked at me and whispered, “Nope. I seduced him. It was easy too. I started with simple things, like a hug or a gentle touch at first. If he were anyone else, he would have punched me in the face, but not Danny. He absorbed any attention I gave him. Soaked it up, almost as if he were starved for it. One night in particular, he was up late, studying for a test. I knew he hadn’t eaten, so I brought him food. The second I showed up, I could see the frustration in his eyes. Closing his laptop, I took his hands and made him stand in front of me. The second he did, he hugged me. It was the first time he touched me first. That night, I held him for the first time all night as we forgot about the outside world and watched movies. He fell asleep in my arms and actually slept.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Like the fucking king of the world. Danny was my world. Everything to me. I never wanted anyone more until Danika. Sometimes, I still can’t believe he’s with me.”

Frowning, I asked. “Why would you think that?”

Before Dante could respond, Danika walked over and climbed into his lap, yawning. I smiled as he held his daughter in his arms. “I think that’s enough for today. Same time tomorrow?”

He nodded and packed up Dani’s things and left.

I sat in my office, thinking about Dante’s last statement. It was evident that Dante’s sense of self-worth was flawed, for lack of a better word, though not surprising.