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I slump in my chair and rest my elbows on the desk in defeat, holding my phone out in front of me.

Me

What do I do?

Felicity

I think it’s time to communicate with him. I think it’s time to see each other again. I think you need to start taking some leaps of faith.

Me

Is that what you did with Jon?

Felicity

If I’d listened to my fears, then I wouldn’t be marrying the man of my dreams next year.

Me

I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again. His schedule is so stacked.

I know every movement the team makes this season, even if I don’t follow it on social media. I always know where he is.

Felicity

Start small. Call him. Or better yet, do something or go somewhere that reminds you of him, something you did together. Let your heart rule you for once, babe, because I don’t think your head is doing you any favors.

Kate

I second this.

I leap from my seat and grab my bag and keys. Knowing exactly where that place is.

Me

I love you both so much.

Felicity

Keep us posted.

Memories instantly flood my mind.The way I secretly checked him out behind the safety of my sunglasses. I smile as I remember dropping the breakfast package off on his first morning back in Cocoa Beach. I can still smell the fresh paint, clinging to the beams of the porch as I walk the few steps to the front door. I still remember the way he sat me on the hood of my car and kissed me. And I still remember the first time I told him I had to pull back.

Searching through the ring of keys, I eventually find the one to the front door and slide it into the lock.

It’s been months since I was here. Too many good memories lie within these four walls. Memories that I’ve wanted to bury but cling onto all at the same time, and it’s overwhelming.

Stepping into the kitchen area, I don’t know why, but against the backdrop of the unlived space, I notice a lone coffee mug that has been rinsed and turned upside down on the drainer.

Why is that there? It seems out of place when everything else has been put away.

The tiny couch still sits in the corner of the living room. The TV’s perched on top of the small stand and the wooden coffeetable I’ve sat countless drinks on top is still where it was the last time I was here.

I drop my bag on the usual stool tucked under the kitchen countertop and run my hand along the marble, stopping when I reach the place where Zach first picked me up and sat me down. That was the start of everything between us, the start of us sleeping together this summer. It was the moment the friendship we’d nurtured morphed into something more. I’m not sure if it’s something I want to get back either. Because a friendship with Zach will never be enough.

I’d say it’s all or nothing, but nothing seems impossible too.

The sun has almost completely set as I make my way out onto the veranda. The lounger Zach bought and set up for me is collapsed and stored in its all-weather box. He put that away, knowing I wouldn’t use it again after I started staying at my place when I initially told him we needed to step back. I want to rip the lid off and rebuild it. I want to lie back down in my bikini and wait for him to return from Whistler. I want to pretend I’m listening to my audiobook as he makes his way through the house, searching for me.