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“Then I’m stealthier than I gave myself credit for.”
For a few seconds, neither of us said anything. Finally, I murmured, “Nick, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
He got up and moved onto the bench beside me. “Of course it’s not a good idea. We’re going to live together.”
I cleared my throat. “We are, and that means we should stop this.”
He leaned in closer. “Allison, considering what we’ve both been doing, I don’t think that’s in the cards any longer.”
I couldn’t argue with that. He was absolutely right. “I’m not sure where to go from here.”
His nearness was making this more difficult, yet I didn’t want to move away. In fact, all I craved was to move even closer, to have skin-on-skin contact.
“How did we get into this situation?”
“I don’t know,” Nick admitted. With shock, I realized it was the first time he wasn’t reassuring me. No “We’ll play it by ear. We’ve got this!” Which told me just how much self-restraint he had to be exercising at this very moment as well.
I gave in first, only moving a smidge but enough for our shoulders to touch. I thought I’d be happy with that slight contact. But it seemed to create a chain reaction in my body, and I instantly craved much more.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself, and then exhaled slowly.
“Fuck,” Nick whispered. “Damn it, this is hard.” His voice was very low and very rough, as if he had to make an effort to get the words out at all.
I closed my eyes, hoping that not seeing him would make it easier to pull back, but everything inside me told me to lean in farther. Then I felt the air shift and opened my eyes.
Nick had pulled away. Only a few inches, but the small distance was enough to break the spell. I shook my head and straightened up, turning away from him. We were both silent, but I could hear his labored breathing.
Chancing a glance, I saw he was gripping the edge of the bench with his fingers. He was hanging by a thread!
“Allison...”
The way he said my name made me want to climb onto his lap. When he didn’t add anything, I prompted in a whisper, “Yes?”
“You should go ahead and shower first.”
I blinked, trying to make sense of what he was saying. What did he mean, shower first? There were like a million showers here and just two of us.
Oh!He needed me to go because he couldn’t control himself otherwise.
“Yes, of course.” I got up from the bench and tried to put the towel around me but dropped it accidentally.
“Jesus,” Nick groaned.
Energy zipped through me. I didn’t even have the guts to turn and look at him; I simply bent down to gather my towel, and he groaned again. I didn’t realize why until I noticed my bikini had shifted, so I’d been flashing him the crack of my ass.
Darting out of the steam room without a second glance, I took in a deep breath and then exhaled, but I couldn’t manage to calm down. There were a set of three showers right next to the steam room, but I headed to the changing rooms instead. They had shower gels and shampoos, and I planned to use both and then rub myself with body cream. I was going to make Nick wait a million years so we couldbothcool off.
While I washed my hair and soaped up, I glanced at my ring, which reminded me how fake this all was. How on earth were we going to go through with all this? In that steam room, a wall came between us. It was undeniable. Were we going to be able to pretend nothing happened? Should we?
I’d always been very decisive in my life. I’d known early on what I wanted to major in. Then, once I started my career, I knew I wanted to be a CFO. When the tragedy happened, I didn’t even hesitate to take the twins. I never second-guessed myself; I set on a course and didn’t look back.
But right now, I was at a loss. Usually, I’d call Nora and ask for her advice. God, I missed my sister so much. She was the only one I’d routinely ask if she thought I was doing the right thing. I could probably talk to my parents about this, but I didn’t want to worry them for no reason. They were still grieving too; it wasn’t fair to burden them with this.
As I stepped out of the shower, I figured I’d follow Nick’s lead. If he pretended nothing happened, I was going to do the same. I wasn’t sure how, but I was determined to figure it out.
I towel-dried my hair thoroughly before dressing and getting out of the changing room. Nick was already sitting by the reception desk in a leather armchair with a huge glass of orange juice. He immediately got up and flashed me one of those devastatingly charming smiles, and I felt my panties catch on fire. I didn’t even manage to smile back. I was still trying to put myself together, but clearly, he was better at this than me.
“Want something to drink?” he offered. “Orange juice is really good.”