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He grinned. “I like that.”
“The thing is that losing Nora sort of split my life into before and after.” My voice shook. “I never thought I could feel fully happy again. Or at least not without also feeling guilty because my sister isn’t here anymore.”
Nick moved a strand of hair behind my ear. He seemed to like doing that a lot.
“But today, I feel completely happy and not guilty at all.” I glanced at him. “Is that a good thing?”
“Yes, it is. Allison, I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“I can’t help it,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I know we agreed not to talk about sad things.”
He shook his head. “I want you to always tell me what’s on your mind. There’s no reason to keep things from me.”
Well, well, my fake husband was turning out to be the best boyfriend I’d ever had.
“Mourning those we love is a way of showing them affection after they’re gone. But don’t feel guilty for feeling happy. Nora loved you deeply, and I’m sure that all she would have wanted was for you to be happy.”
“I know that. My sister was a gentle soul. But, Nick, there’s something else. Something inmeshifted since last night.”
That made him grin again. “I always like claiming credit, so I’ll add that to my list of wins.”
“Yes, please do.” It was as if he’d unlocked something inside me. Nick had set free my ability to feel joy again. I could feel myself getting back to being the old me. Or maybe this was simply the new version of me. I’d been trying all along to getback to who I was before, but maybe that shouldn’t have been the goal in the first place.
“You’re lost in thought,” he whispered.
“I was just thinking that all these months, I felt stuck. And I think it’s because I always assumed that things had to get back to normal. That I should be my old self: single, no kids, no big responsibilities except the mortgage and my job. I figured that once enough time had passed, I’d find my groove again and be able to see my friends more often, do things the way we used to. Now I realize that’s not what this is about. I’m accepting my new normal. I don’t want to call myself a mom, because that would feel disrespectful to my sister, but Iaman aunt and guardian.”
Nick brought his mouth to my ear. “Don’t forget that you’re also an amazing fake wife.”
I grinned. “That too. I should probably add it to my résumé, improve my street cred and all that.”
Nick laughed in my ear. It tickled me, so I started to giggle, which earned us stares from the rest of the passengers.
Whoops.I realized then that there had been a tour guide audio going on all this time. The voice was telling us what we were seeing along the edge of the water. I hadn’t paid attention to even one word, but I couldn’t care less. It was still part of the experience, watching Boston from the water.
“Allison, for all intents and purposes, you are the twins’ mother.”
His words wrapped around my heart tightly. I had no idea why it meant so much to me.
“You’re not dishonoring your sister’s memory. It’s what she’d hope you’d do. I just wanted to get that out of the way.”
“You’re very good with words,” I whispered. “But now I think we should be silent, or everyone will throw us overboard.”
We weren’t loud, but a few passengers were giving us the evil eye. I didn’t want to be that annoying person who talked duringan entire tour. Well... I didn’t want to be that personanymore. Clearly I’d been exactly that until now.
Nick seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he didn’t say anything else either, just leaned back against the wooden bench and put an arm around my shoulders.
I leaned against him, then decided I wanted a bit more contact, so I shifted so that half my back was plastered against his chest. Then I became greedy and put a hand on his thigh. There was no way I could feel up his abs without making a spectacle of us, but this was very under the radar. Then I moved so one ass cheek was basically resting against his thigh. Nick groaned, and I felt hot air against my ear.
“Allison, if you keep moving like that, I’m going to take you in the back of the ferry. And I really don’t want to have you in some dingy toilet.”
Holy shit.Maybe the others didn’t get wind of what I was doing, but obviously poor Nick had felt all of that.
I moved so I could glance up at him. “Sorry, I wasn’t doing it on purpose.”
“Yes, you were.” He was smiling.
I smiled right back. “Okay, maybe I was. I just didn’t think it would have this effect.”