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“Nick, my couch is tiny. Your head and feet won’t fit on it at the same time.”
I leaned in closer, narrowing my eyes. “We’ll buy a new couch.”
She laughed. “Right, I didn’t think about that. Guess we could have a pull-out and take turns sleeping on it. And—” She stopped abruptly and stared at her cup.
“What’s on your mind?”
As she took another sip of coffee, I noticed that her cheeks were tinted pink. What was she blushing about?
The mere possibility that her thoughts were as out of control as mine only fueled me more. I was so attracted to this woman that I couldn’t think straight. How the hell did I think I could live with her?
“During this time... would we be celibate?” she asked hesitantly. “Or would we have separate lives?”
“Fuck,” I exclaimed.
She laughed. “Finally, you’re panicking about something. I thought I was the only weird one.”
I burst out laughing. “I didn’t think about that. We’ll play it by ear, I guess.”
She raised a brow. “How could we play something like that by ear? It’s important.”
“Either of those two solutions sucks,” I told her openly. “So maybe we could come up with something else.”
“Like what?”
“No idea. Hence playing it by ear.” The more I thought about it, the more I found those options completely unacceptable. The thought of Allison going on a date with some guy was unthinkable. But being celibate was simply not possible. Slowly, I was starting to realize, there were no other options.
“I can feel you panicking,” Allison said, nudging me with her shoulder. She miscalculated the angle, though, because I definitely felt her breast brushing my chest. Her breath caught, and when she gasped lightly, her eyes snapped up.
Swallowing hard, I tilted my head, looking directly at her. She was so damn close, I could smell the coffee on her lips. Those perfect and inviting lips.
“We’ll work it out.” My voice was so rough, I almost didn’t understand what I was saying myself. “The important thing is that the kids stay with you.”
“Oh, what will we tell the kids?” she whispered.
Her chest was still rising up and down in labored breaths. Clearly the nearness was affecting her, and that just pumped my ego.
I was such a bastard. I was telling this woman that she could count on me, that I was willing to marry her so she could get custody of the twins, yet at the same time, I was fantasizing about making her mine and enjoyed the way my touch rattled her.
“This will confuse them,” Allison added.
“Yeah, there‘s no way around that. Us living together and telling people that we’re married, yet at the same time sort of living separate lives, is fucked up. As a kid who’s been in a fucked-up family situation, that doesn’t sit right by me.”
Her eyes softened. “They’d love having you at the house. They constantly ask when you’re coming over. I know having you as a dad, or at least a father figure, will be really easy for them to adjust to. Are you ready for that?”
“Fuck yes! I care about them a lot. And even after the divorce, I’d still be around—I’d make sure of it. I’ll spoil them to the moon and back,” I promised.
“That makes two of us. Before, spoiling them was my job, since I’m their aunt. But I can’t seem to get out of the habit.”
“So what? I think you can spoil kids and make sure they have a good head on their shoulders at the same time.”
“True.” Seemed like she needed more convincing.
“That’s what my grandparents always did. Granted, we were older when we actually met them, so it was a different situation, but they balanced that very well.”
There was a pause, and then Allison asked, “How do you think your grandparents would take this?” She moved a bit farther away from me—another sign that my nearness affected her.
“They’re usually very supportive, but they don’t condone deception.”