Page 69 of Fly with Me

Well, she’d used the hashtags they had discussed. And they had talked about Stella doing this whenever she was with other pilots. Maybe that was all this was? But she was still having dinner with a gorgeous woman, and Olive had no idea who it was.

Didn’t Stella say Nadine dropped out of school? Then it couldn’t be her… If it wasn’t, who was it? It could be Laura. Stella hadn’t mentioned Laura’s job, and it wasn’t tagged.

Or it could be a date with some other random pilot? Stella said she wasn’t in a relationship—couldn’t be in a relationship—but was she seeing other people? Casually?

Olive hadn’t thought to ask. She swallowed against the acid burning the back of her throat. Stella could be sleeping with other people, even exes. They’d never discussed monogamy. Especially given that they weren’t having sex with each other, what right would Olive have to stop Stella from sleeping with other people?

Stella hadn’t texted much since the hike. Was it because she was hooking up with someone else? Fuck.

Why hadn’t Olive asked any questions about this?

Why would Olive ever think that someone as gorgeous as Stella would want to be with someone like her? Just like Lindsay said. Just like Heather said. No one thought Olive was good enough for someone like Stella. They were right. It didn’t make sense. Olive was a loser who was afraid of flying and estranged from her family.

Her breaths sped up faster and faster. Pressure built in her chest.

She covered her head with her hands and intentionally slowed her breathing. It had been months since she had a full-on panic attack. After Jake’s accident she went a few months where she had them every single day.

Gus hopped up on the couch and looked up at her with a perplexed expression. Olive dragged her fingers through his fur several times. Petting a dog was supposed to give endorphins. She needed endorphins. Like Elle Woods said, endorphins make people happy.

And happy people don’t feel raging jealousy after seeing a random Instagram photo of their fake girlfriend having dinner with some green-eyed aviation goddess.

Even after minutes of petting Gus, she wasn’t happy.

She was panicked, rethinking all of her choices. That ugly voice that spoke so loud on her bad depression days was making her fixate on every doubt. Every negative thought.

She was breathing faster than she had during the half-marathon.

Was this all a mistake?

She picked up her phone. A pang hit in the middle of her chest. That pang had been there for a year. Jake wouldn’t answer his phone.

Derek was working today.

None of her other friends knew about what she was doing with Stella—well, besides Joni, and they weren’t at the talk-me-off-the-proverbial-ledge stage in their relationship. She hated that a part of what Lindsay said was true. She had called her crying at 2:00 A.M. after they broke up. She had been desperate for help when her family had turned against her. She was a mess.

“What do you think I should do, Gus?”

Gus’s powerful tail thumped the sofa a couple of times in response to his name.

“Maybe this was a stupid decision.”

Olive leaned forward to take a sip of coffee. It was freezing. The entire apartment was freezing, actually. The furnace hadn’t caught up with the plunging temperatures.

Her phone dinged, and Olive jumped and dropped it. She must have flipped it off vibrate accidentally while she sat fidgeting.

STELLA

Want to get dinner tonight? My last flight got canceled because of that blizzard in Akron.

No. She couldn’t face Stella like this. Lindsay had broken up with her the first time after the panic attacks got worse. She couldn’t let anyone else see her like this. Stella had specifically said that she didn’t want someone else to emotionally rely on her. She couldn’t tell Stella the full extent of what was happening. Stella would bolt.

OLIVE

I’m sorry. I’m having a bit of a freak-out day.

STELLA

What are you freaking out about?